Bachelor No More!
by Cardboard Bike
Summary: Sequel to 'the Shinobi Bachelor'. Kakashi may have picked Iruka, but not all is going well. The Elders are fuming, Tsunade must be drunk, and where the heck are they going to get a baby from? Maybe it wasn't such a good idea, after all.
1. Chapter 1

_This is the sequel to 'The Shinobi Bachelor'. I guess you don't need to read that to understand this, but certain things will make more sense if you do. _

_Warning for eventual __**explicit yaoi**__ and, er, __**mpreg**__. Also, __**swearing**__. Shinobi have filthy mouths (or maybe it's just me)._

_I __**will not**__update this regularly. In fact, it's probably more likely that I won't update at all. So… don't hold out too much hope for quick new chapters. Sorry. I'm having a really hard time trying to work out the structure. The bits I want to write are far, far away in the future plotline._

**o0o**

When Iruka said 'yes' to Kakashi's absurd proposal he'd thought that he was prepared for the jōnin's eccentricities. Now, three days after he had shyly invited the silver-haired prodigy into his apartment, he graciously retracted his original belief in favour of admitting he didn't know the man at all.

In all honesty he'd expected Kakashi to jump him as soon as they walked in the door, and he'd been looking forward to it more than just a little. But Kakashi hadn't even touched him. He'd simply looked around with his usual blank, bored expression and said in a bland voice, "You have a nice home, Sensei."

Iruka had bitten down hard on his disappointment and decided that Kakashi's perversion was maybe overblown a little. He guessed that the jōnin was waiting until darkness fell, at which point he would pounce on and make sweet sweet love to a more than willing brown-haired chūnin.

It never happened. Kakashi had disappeared into his guest room for the night and Iruka was left alone, horny and frustrated in his made-for-two bed. When he woke up Kakashi was gone, and he would have wondered if it had all been some kind of surreal dream if it weren't for the forest green shirt emblazoned with 'Eternal Rival' folded neatly on top of the pillow in his spare bedroom.

Kakashi was currently stretched out over his couch reading his perverted orange novel for what must have been the hundredth time, like he'd done every day since he'd arrived, and Iruka's patience was wearing thin. Three days and not a hint of a kiss, not even one measly hug. He could almost believe that Kakashi had only chosen him because – no, he didn't think the jōnin was that cruel. He had to fix this, somehow.

"Kakashi-san," he said in his best no-nonsense teacher voice.

"Kakashi," the jōnin corrected, turning the page and not bothering to look up from his book.

"Alright, _Kakashi,_" Iruka said, mildly annoyed, "What are you doing?"

Kakashi still didn't look up but the set of his shoulders changed slightly, indicating that he was listening. It irked Iruka that he refused to use his manners and converse face to face, but at least he was paying attention. "I'm reading. I'm sure you can see that, Sensei," Kakashi said easily.

"Not that." Iruka gritted his teeth. "I mean why are you in my house?"

"You told me I could be here," Kakashi said, turning to look at Iruka for the first time, an unreadable emotion flickering in his eye. "Have you decided that this arrangement is not to your liking?"

Iruka growled, and rubbed his temples. "It's not that. It's, well, why did you pick me instead of one of the kunoichi?"

"Because I like you," Kakashi answered simply, flicking his gaze back to his book.

"Not because I was the only option you had who doesn't have the ability to make you a father?" Iruka asked coolly.

Kakashi snapped the book shut, sat up and stared at Iruka, his visible eye narrowed. "What on earth gave you that idea?" he demanded. "I'm going to have to have a kid anyway, it doesn't make a difference whether I'm with you or Yūgao."

Iruka gave a relieved sigh. He'd been almost afraid to ask, almost convinced Kakashi would tell him his horrible hunch was right. "I'm glad," he mumbled.

"No, I'm asking, and you damn well better give me an answer." Kakashi glared at him. "Why did you think I would use you like that?"

Iruka turned red, scratched the scar over his nose and looked at the floor. He _really_ didn't want to have to explain his twisted thinking. "Well, uh, you're supposed to be perverted and, you know, sex crazed or something. And, well, you haven't done anything to me since you've been here."

Kakashi blinked at him. "You're upset because I haven't jumped your bones yet?" He grinned lecherously, and Iruka could see it even underneath the mask. He took a step back, suddenly uneasy.

"Well then Sensei," Kakashi purred, lifting himself off the sofa gracefully and taking a step towards Iruka, "Would you like me to?"

Iruka shivered and stepped back again. Kakashi stepped forward, his movements like a stalking cat. Iruka tried to take a further step back but hit wall. _Shit._

Kakashi stood in front of him, his hands pressed to the wall on either side of Iruka's head and his eye glinting dangerously. He leaned in close, his lips brushing lightly against the shell of Iruka's ear as he whispered, "Do you want me to fuck you? You want me to take you, right here and right now, against this wall?" He pressed the length of his body against the quivering chūnin, who let out a startled moan that went straight to his groin and pressed back against him. "You're such a dirty Sensei, you know that?" he purred, snaking a hand down between them to rub Iruka's arousal through his pants. "You want to feel me deep inside you, hard and fast until you cum so hard you can't see. You're so hard already."

He could have continued murmuring dirty things to see Iruka's face turn that delicious shade of red but the doorbell rang. He chewed on Iruka's earlobe through his mask while he was waiting for it to stop, earning himself a shuddery gasp, but as soon as the irritating noise stopped it started again. And again. And again.

"Who the hell is that impatient to see you?" he growled, moving his hand around to Iruka's backside and pulling him closer so their erections rubbed together through their pants.

"Naruto, always Naruto," Iruka panted, "You have to stop, Kakashi."

As an answer Kakashi slipped his hand down the delectable chūnin's pants and rubbed teasingly at his entrance.

"I mean it." Iruka's stern voice came out as more of a moan as Kakashi experimentally slid the tip of his finger inside of him. "Ka-ah-kashi, don't. If he can't get through the door he'll come in a window."

'Fine." Kakashi drew his hands away slowly, took a couple of steps back, and folded his arms across his chest. "Go answer the door."

Iruka's knees gave out as Kakashi let go of him, and he only just managed to grab onto the bookshelf to stop himself from falling. He quickly readjusted his pants to make the bulge that wasn't going away less noticeable and walked towards the door, stopping just before he got there. "Do I look normal enough?" he asked nervously.

Kakashi's gaze swept from his disheveled hair and his flushed cheeks down to the still somewhat visible lump in his pants. "Maa, you look tasty," he supplied, but added hastily when Iruka glared at him, "It doesn't matter. Naruto's the most unobservant person I've ever met, and that includes children and civilians."

Iruka rolled his eyes at him and opened the door, only to be jumped on by an overenthusiastic genin. "Iruka-sensei! I thought something had happened to you because you didn't answer me."

"Maa, just because someone doesn't open the door the first time you ring the bell doesn't mean they're dead," Kakashi said, shoving his hands in his pockets and offering a closed-eye smile. "It might just mean they don't like you very much."

"Iruka-sensei, you still like me right? I didn't do anything wrong did I?" Naruto pleaded.

Iruka glared at the jōnin over his shoulder. "No, you didn't, Naruto," he said warmly to the boy, "Kakashi here just got stuck in one of my traps and it took a while to free him, that's all."

"Maa, if that's one of your traps I don't mind getting caught at all," Kakashi purred, and Iruka shot him a 'say one more thing and die' look.

Naruto looked from one of his teachers to the other, not comprehending. "Hey, what's Kaka-sensei doing in your house anyway, Iruka-sensei?"

"He won me," Kakashi said smugly. "From the competition, remember?"

Naruto scrunched up his face in confusion. "But wasn't the point of that to find you a wife?"

Kakashi grinned. "And Iruka-sensei will make a good wife, don't you think?"

Iruka calmly stomped down hard on Kakashi's foot, making him wince. "Naruto," Iruka said in a quiet-but-deadly voice, "Kakashi-sensei and I have some _things_ to discuss right now. I will meet you at Ichiraku tomorrow for lunch, alright?"

Naruto may not have been the sharpest knife in the drawer but he recognized that voice and he wasn't stupid enough to push his luck. He crept slowly out of the door backwards. "Bye, Iruka-sensei. I'll just, ah, go see if Sakura-chan needs any help with anything. Bye, Kaka-sensei."

"How do you do that?" Kakashi marveled after the door slammed shut and the sound of Naruto hightailing it had disappeared.

He wished he'd had the sense of mind to keep his mouth shut when Iruka turned his glare onto him and started prowling towards him. He felt a weird sense of reversed déjà vu when his back hit the wall. By the look in Iruka's eye he didn't think that being a jōnin was going to help him get out of this.

"You," Iruka growled, fisting his hands in the jōnin's shirt, "You owe me an explanation."

"For what?" Kakashi asked in as blasé a voice as he could manage. He'd known that Iruka had a temper but he hadn't expected the teacher to be so… dominant and forward with him. It was sexy as hell.

"Why would you spend three days ignoring me and then jump me on a whim?" Iruka demanded, his eyes spitting fire.

"You asked me to," Kakashi pointed out. It was nice to know that the chūnin's face reddened in anger and not just embarrassment, and he filed that fact away for later.

"I did _not_ ask you to throw me against the wall and -" Iruka ended his sentence with a growl, and shook Kakashi a little in annoyance. "That's not the point! You're avoiding the question. Just answer it."

Kakashi thought about it for a second. "You're going to be able to tell if I lie to you, aren't you?"

Iruka seemed to deflate, letting his hands drop to his sides and walking backwards to flop limply onto the couch. His eyes had lost their fire and they were completely serious as they settled on Kakashi's face. "Kakashi, if you feel the need to lie to me about something as small as this then this, whatever this is, is not going to work," he said solemnly. "I really like you. I've liked you for a long time," here he scratched at his scar and blushed lightly, "But I will not – cannot – have a relationship with someone who is not completely honest with me. And I'm not completely sure you actually want a relationship in the first place."

Kakashi had no idea what to do. He'd spent years surrounding himself with lies, big ones and small ones, building huge walls of them to protect himself from other people. And Iruka wanted him to smash them down? He wasn't sure that he could. He leaned back against the wall. _Kakashi, Iruka-sensei could be the best thing that ever happens to you, _a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like a bratty nin-dog of his said. _You have to let him in though, or else he can't help you._

Kakashi sighed. Pakkun had actually said that, the interfering mutt. But perhaps he was right. People said that the more lies you tell the easier it becomes to lie, so maybe the same rule applied with telling the truth? "You want to hear the truth?" he asked, the words leaden in his mouth.

Iruka nodded and Kakashi strode over to where he was sitting, aiming for a saunter but failing miserably as nervousness tightened all his muscles and made him appear slightly constipated instead. He leaned forward and whispered in Iruka's ear, because even if he had to be truthful to Iruka nobody else was allowed to hear it. "I like you. A lot."

Iruka frowned. "I don't understand."

Kakashi sighed. He'd hoped that he wouldn't have to elaborate. "I was avoiding touching you because it might make me care about you even more."

Iruka's frown smoothed out slowly, and he began to smile. "That's kind of sweet, in a messed up way. Why are you so scared of caring about me?"

"I'm not scared," Kakashi snapped, much too fast.

Iruka glared at him. "Don't lie to me."

Kakashi rubbed a hand through his hair furiously. He wished Iruka would get out of his head. "What if you die?" he said in a very small voice. "What if someone hurts you because of me?"

Everyone he'd ever really cared about was dead, and by the time he'd turned around and realized he cared deeply for the three brats he'd been ordered to train they'd disappeared into the clutches of the sannin without even bothering to say goodbye.

"Oh, Kakashi." Iruka's eyes were shining, and Kakashi couldn't tell if it was because he was about to cry or because he was happy. "I don't know whether to hit you or hug you." That solved it. The answer was probably both, because Iruka was bipolar as hell. "Sit down." He patted the seat beside him and Kakashi eased himself down, making sure to avoid any accidental touching.

"You are far more likely to die before I do, Kakashi," Iruka said gently. "You know that, and I know that. So shouldn't I be the one who's shying away from a relationship?"

"But you love everybody," Kakashi said stubbornly. "It's different."

"I do care about all of my students, and most of the chūnin and jōnin I talk with in the mission room," Iruka admitted. "I care about them all, and it hurts every time I see someone come in injured, or hear about a new death I can put a face to. But this is the life we pick as shinobi. Kakashi, if you died tomorrow and nothing happened between us I know it would still hurt me. I'd rather try to have everything with you and have it hurt than have nothing with you and have it hurt."

Iruka's words rung so true that Kakashi was struck dumb. Connecting with the chūnin physically wouldn't make a difference. He was already at least half in love with the infuriating man and even if he walked out right now and never looked back if news of Iruka's death reached him he would be more than just a little upset by it. "You're right. I was stupid," he said softly. He didn't like thinking about Iruka dying.

Iruka graced him with a gentle smile. "You're not stupid, Kakashi. I know how difficult it is to let people in after you've lost those you care about. Can I ask one thing though?"

"What is it?" Kakashi didn't want to answer any more questions. This conversation was tiring himself out much faster than the average S-class mission.

"Why did you change your mind and come onto me before?"

"I wasn't thinking," Kakashi admitted. "I let my other head take over."

Iruka blushed, scratching at his scar awkwardly. "Are you always so… dominant?"

Kakashi leaned his head back against the back of the couch thoughtfully, closing his eye. "Not always, no."

"Then why did you think _that_ would be a good way to try and get me to sleep with you the first time?" Iruka asked, nonplussed. "I could have reacted badly to it, you know."

"I thought we already established that I wasn't thinking," Kakashi replied, visible eyebrow raised. "I've had to watch you sashaying blithely around for three whole days and then all of a sudden you're in my face and asking me cutely why I haven't been boning you. _Cutely._ I didn't even know it was possible to look cute while asking for sex. All I did was give you what you asked for." He paused and looked thoughtful. "Actually, I only started giving you what you asked for. If I was to be a gentleman I would have to continue, right? Should we start where we left off?"

"If you're really giving me a choice, then no," Iruka said flatly.

"No?" Kakashi looked mildly surprised. "You've changed your mind already?"

"It's not that." Iruka looked down at the floor, mildly embarrassed. "It's just that, well, I'd like for our first time to not be up against a wall, you know? It doesn't have to take forever, or be over-romantic or anything, I just want it to be special. Is that too sappy?"

"That," Kakashi started, pausing to think about it, "That might be okay, I guess."

"_Okay?_" Iruka blinked at him. "Oh, that's right. You're the guy who always wakes up alone, whether you're kicking someone out or sneaking out their window after they fall asleep." He rolled his eyes.

"Actually, I don't sleep with people in my own bed," Kakashi corrected. "I'm always the one who jumps out the window."

"Of course. Well, if you jump out _my_ window I will hunt you down and tie you to the bed." Iruka smiled widely, his eyes maybe just a teeny bit manic.

Kakashi grinned. Despite the fact that being tied exclusively to one person for an undetermined amount of time scared the hell out of him, _that_ actually sounded quite fun. "You have permission to try and catch me."


	2. Chapter 2

**o0o**

_I have a 3D model of a city to make, three or four advertisements to design, a sh*tload of posters to mock up and a whole lotta work moving type around. So what do I do? I write you guys gay porn. Figures._

**o0o**

Kakashi crouched down in front of the memorial stone and traced the lines of his old teacher's name with his finger. "Minato-sensei," he declared quietly, "I'm screwed. I am so, totally screwed."

Not literally of course, because if he had gotten some action in the sack he would probably be in a better mood. No, he was screwed because his current housemate was driving him mad.

"Don't you dare laugh at me, Obito." Kakashi sighed and rested his forehead on the top of the stone. "Iruka is so _pushy_ and everything has to be _just right_ and he's even written up a chores list. He expects me to _cook_ for him." He scowled, and then added almost reluctantly, "And he walks around with hardly any clothes on all the time. I swear he wiggles his ass when he walks on purpose. Stupid tease."

"Why don't you mate with him?"

Kakashi spun around and glared as hard as he could at a spot about fourteen inches above the ground, a spot currently occupied by the eyes of one arrogant son-of-a-bitch pug. "Shut up, Pakkun."

Pakkun stared back at him lazily, unaffected by his death glare, and scratched behind his ear with his hind leg. "You want to and so does he, right? What's stopping you?"

Kakashi growled. "You came here specifically to make fun of me, didn't you?"

"Nope." Pakkun put his leg down and trotted off to the side of the monument, sniffing at a daisy. "I came because Bull's been bugging me about when he can see his Iruka-sama again and Bisuke heard him and now the whole pack is on my case about asking when they can come visit. But, judging by the way you absolutely stink of frustration and arousal, I don't think it's such a good idea."

"You're damn right it's not a good idea. As soon as you lot show up he'll forget all about me and go fawn all over you stupid dogs."

"Heh." Pakkun bit the head off the flower, chewed for a bit and then spat it out, shaking his head in distaste. "I've never seen you _jealous_ before, Kakashi. You don't show Iruka-sensei this side of you, do you?"

Kakashi scowled and wondered maliciously if pug skin would make nice boots.

"Seriously, though," Pakkun waddled over and sat at his feet, wagging his curly stump of a tail and looking up at him with imploring eyes, "What's stopping you? You've never had a problem getting people into bed with you before, and I'm sure he'd be a willing partner. What's the real issue here?"

Kakashi sighed. "You're not going to go away, are you?"

Pakkun gave a doggy grin. "You don't get answers when you talk to dead people."

"Maybe I'm not really looking for an answer?" Kakashi closed his eyes and slumped back against the memorial stone. "I just don't know how to deal with it, alright? He's acting so domestic, as if it's _natural_ to have me in his house, and nothing seems to bother him. Nobody has ever been so… nonchalant around me before. I just want him to admit that this is not normal, that it's weird. Two males can't have a lasting relationship, and they can't have a family. We're just playing house."

"You're just lying to yourself again," Pakkun said, chewing disinterestedly at a patch of fur on his back.

"Fine." Kakashi glared at him half-heartedly. "I was afraid I'd get to attached to him so I avoided him until he confronted me. And the way he did it – shit, Pakkun, I think if I actually believed in that soul mate crap I'd already be sold on him. Just thinking about what he'd be like in bed gives me shivers. I can't sleep with him because if I do and he's amazing I'll never be able to give him up."

"You're an idiot," Pakkun said flatly. "You talked with him, fell in love, went back to sit by yourself and think it over some more, decided it was dangerous and started ignoring him again, didn't you?"

Kakashi ground his teeth together.

Pakkun sighed. "You know, I don't really get why humans bring all these 'feelings' into mating. But have you ever stopped to consider how Iruka-sensei feels about all this? He must have been at least a little bit worried to actually confront you."

"I know." Kakashi rubbed his forehead unhappily. The truth was that he hadn't actually considered Iruka at all, and it made him feel highly inadequate that his summon was more considerate than he was.

Pakkun centred all his attention on his master, his gaze serious. "Kakashi, think very hard about whether you want to be with him or not and stick to it. Because I know that Bull for one will not stand for you hurting Iruka-sensei, and it's not a good idea to allow dissent amongst your summons."

_See Minato-sensei? I'm screwed. _Kakashi reached down and ruffled the pug's furry head spitefully, knowing Pakkun would hate it. "I'll talk to him tonight."

**o0o**

"'Zumo, open up." Iruka hit the door once with his fist, then a couple more times. Then a lot more times, because it felt good and he needed to release all his pent-up energy anyway. "'Zumo 'Zumo 'Zumo 'Zumo 'Zumo!"

Suddenly the door was yanked out from under his fingers, and had he not been a finely poised shinobi Iruka would have pitched forwards into the doorway. As it was he kept his balance and so got the optimum view of Izumo's scowling face. The scowl lasted for a few seconds before Izumo sighed tiredly and moved to the side of the doorway to let him in. "What is it, 'Ruka?"

"Gah!" As soon as he was inside the apartment Iruka tackle-hugged him. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you like this!"

"Hmph." Izumo poked him in the ribs bad-temperedly. "You're glad that I'm depressed and lonely?"

"Ah, I didn't mean that." Iruka pulled back and scratched at his nose self-consciously. "I'm sorry. I guess it's my fault you're feeling down."

"Meh." Izumo flapped a hand in front of his face half-heartedly. "I'm happy for you. You've gotten in with the love of your life. We were never really 'lovers' in that sense of the word anyway. I'm just taking a little time out to feel sorry for myself and then I'll get back to normal."

"That's exactly what I'm missing!" Iruka turned eyes so big and desperate on him that Izumo had to take a step back. "You say exactly what you're feeling and I accept it, or help to change how you feel. Kakashi-san –" Iruka trailed off into unintelligible growls, tugging viciously at his hair. "He's driving me insane!"

Izumo patted him on the back consolingly, trying his hardest to keep his own feelings out of it. "You know that I can only tell you exactly what I'm thinking because we're friends first, right? Often people will hold back on telling their lover things in order to keep from upsetting them or whatever."

"I know I haven't had the best relationship history but I do know what is considered normal," Iruka explained tiredly, "And Kakashi. Is. Not. Normal. Honestly. It's like living with a robot. It's all I can do to keep acting normal when I can feel him staring at me all the time and then when I turn to look at him he pretends he wasn't looking. He avoids me as much as possible and he sure as hell won't start a conversation with me."

Izumo snorted. "Did you really expect him to be normal? Everyone else already knows that he's a weirdo. You just need to tie him down to something and yell at him. I'm guessing you haven't done that yet?"

Iruka scratched at his scar again self-consciously. "Well, kind of. I asked him why he was avoiding me and he told me something along the lines of 'I'm a big baby and I'm scared of commitment' so I talked it through with him and I thought everything was okay. But that was almost a week ago and he's been ignoring me since then."

Izumo patted the hair over his eye thoughtfully. "So what you're saying is that you haven't slept together yet?"

Iruka nodded miserably. "I may have accidentally told him I wanted our first time to be special. I was feeling powerful and I just wanted to see how much I could get him to agree to… maybe I pushed him too far. But gods that man knows how to turn on the charm when he wants to. 'Zumo, I really really _really_ want him to fuck me. I don't care how. He makes my body all wibbly."

"Come here, idiot." Izumo beckoned and Iruka all but fell into his open arms, grateful for the first human contact he'd had since Kakashi had decided to throw him against the wall. "It'll work out. He must have had some reason for choosing you, and he'd have to be completely straight or blind to not want to see you naked." Izumo patted him on the back again, feeling like a robot himself and wishing he could be sleeping rather than having this conversation.

He blamed the sleepiness for the fact that it took him a minute to realize that the person he was holding was no longer Iruka but instead a very angry Kakashi. "_Mine,_" Kakashi hissed, and Izumo stumbled backwards to trip and land gracelessly in his armchair.

"Whaa?" he said dumbly. "Why are you in my house?"

"Why is _he _in your house?" Kakashi countered stonily, jabbing a finger at Iruka.

"Er…" Izumo scratched at his chin, unsure what to say. He couldn't exactly tell the man that Iruka had come over to complain about him. "He's my friend?"

Kakashi's scowl deepened, and he latched his fingers tightly around Iruka's wrist. "Well, he's coming with me now."

Iruka looked stunned, and then beamed happily as the jōnin proceeded to drag him out the door. Izumo just shook his head, completely baffled. "Good riddance," he muttered, and closed his eyes.

**o0o**

Iruka allowed himself to be pulled all the way back to his apartment, at which point he spun around and punched Kakashi hard in the gut. Kakashi let go of him, surprised, and Iruka folded his arms across his chest defensively. "Just know that I don't like it when people treat me as if I'm their possession. I only let you do that because it was the first real emotion you've shown since the last time we talked and I'm glad to know you feel _something._ How did you know I was with Izumo?"

"I asked your friend Kotetsu where you were and he said you were probably with him. Were you going to sleep together?" Kakashi demanded.

"What?" Iruka stared at him, open-mouthed. "Are you serious? What sort of person do you think I am?"

Kakashi crossed his arms and made a sulky face that was somewhat hindered by his mask. "You slept with him before," he said petulantly.

Iruka rubbed his face and dragged his fingers roughly through his hair, exasperated. "You – I – what – I'm sorry, but I have no idea how to deal with you. Izumo and I have been friends for a lot longer than we were… _intimate_ friends and I still intend to be his friend, even if it makes you feel insecure for some stupid reason. Just know that while I'm in this 'supposed' relationship with you I'm not going to sleep with anyone else, even if you don't intend to do anything with me, okay?"

Kakashi frowned, and cocked his head to one side. " 'Supposed' relationship?"

Iruka blinked at him. "You honestly don't believe that what we have right now is a proper relationship, do you?"

Kakashi blinked back.

Iruka rolled his eyes to the heavens and muttered a quick prayer for patience. "Avoiding and ignoring your significant other is not the way to make a relationship work, Kakashi-san."

"Aah." Kakashi scratched the back of his head self-consciously. He _almost_ started his answer with 'I got lost on the road of life' before remembering what Iruka had said about lying, and decided it would probably be a good idea not to purposefully incite the bipolar chūnin's wrath. "I guess I don't have an excuse for that."

Iruka sighed, and then smiled tiredly at him. "I suppose that's a start. Are you going to stop ignoring me now?"

Kakashi hesitated, and then nodded slowly.

"Good boy." Iruka barely stopped himself from giving the stubborn man a pat on the head to go with his dog-like comment, and wondered when on earth he'd gotten so arrogant he could talk down to a jōnin.

"So what do I need to do to make this a proper relationship?" Kakashi asked, his voice deceptively light. "Usually people talk about consummatinga relationship, right?"

Iruka's eyes went wide. "You consummate a _marriage_, Kakashi-san. And I couldn't marry you even if I wanted to."

"You couldn't marry me?"

"No, I can't, because I'm a man. You do realize that Konoha forbids the marriage of two men, right?" Iruka shook his head. _Why am I even bothering with this? I should have just stayed in a safe, friendly relationship. _

Kakashi tapped his bottom lip thoughtfully. "That could be a problem, but I guess I'll deal with it later. So, if consummating is not right then what _do_ I do to have a proper relationship with you?"

Iruka rubbed his forehead tiredly. "I'm not sure that I even care about that right now. Lets just go with the 'consummate' thing. I kind of feel like you owe me sex anyway, as a way of relieving me of all the stress you've caused me."

"Really?" Kakashi wasn't really sure whether Iruka's apparent willingness to jump into bed with him was a good thing or a bad thing. _Am I ready to commit myself to this? Kami knows I want it, but if I screw up the ninken will kill me._

"Yep." Something of his hesitation must have shown on his face because Iruka frowned. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I am a man after all."

_Is he going to retract his offer? I don't want that. _"No, I do want it," he said, the words spilling out a little too fast.

"Okay." Iruka smiled gently and brushed past him, heading towards the bedroom.

Kakashi stood where he was for a few seconds, frozen. _He meant now, as in right now? Shit, how can he be so confident? _When he finally managed to force himself to move to the bedroom Iruka was already pulling off his shirt, giving him an unobstructed view of the scar that held so much interest for him. Iruka turned and smiled at him, something wicked glinting in his eye. "I'm going to ask you seriously this time. Top or bottom?"

"Top," Kakashi said immediately, his eyes busy drinking in the sight of the flat planes of the chūnin's chest bared to him.

Iruka laughed, and was it his imagination or did Kakashi detect a sliver or nervousness in it? "I guessed as much. You can't allow anyone to have control over you, can you? Just be nice to me, okay? I haven't done it that way in a long time."

_So he's a switch? I never would have expected that. Well, I guess it makes things easier if he's willing to submit. _Kakashi unzipped his jacket and shrugged it off, feeling more nervous than the situation warranted. _It's just sex. With Iruka. It's not difficult and it'll feel good. Stop being so retarded. _He tugged his shirt up to his armpits before he remembered something vitally important.

"Hey, could I," Kakashi paused, knowing that what he was about to say could possibly ruin any further chances of him getting into Iruka's pants but unable to think of any other solution, "Could I blindfold you?"

"Blindfold?" Iruka unconsciously brought his hand up to his eyes, frowning. "Why?"

Kakashi tugged at the shirt around his neck uncomfortably. "Because it's not dark in here and you're not blind drunk."

Iruka's eyes slid to his mask, realization dawning. "You don't want me to see your face." He looked slightly disappointed and for some reason that made Kakashi's stomach twist, like he'd eaten something rotten. It was another agonizing couple of minutes in which Iruka seemed to be having a silent argument with himself before he answered the original question. "Yeah. I can do that."

He didn't seem completely convinced by his own words but Kakashi pounced anyway, sure that it wouldn't matter once they got into bed. He pulled off his hitai-ate and wound it around Iruka's head, twisting it so the metal plate was at the side rather than over his eyes. Iruka stood very, very still.

Kakashi trailed his fingers down the side of the chūnin's face, unable to help himself, and cupped his jaw in his hand. Having Iruka blind and willing to do whatever he ordered made him feel almost drunk on power.

"Are you going to do something or are you just going to stand there and stare at me?" Iruka snapped eventually, irritation and something else – _fear?_ – sending tiny tremors through his muscles.

"Maa, impatient aren't we, Sensei?" Kakashi drawled, and Iruka glared. Kakashi _tsk_ed at him. "You know, that scary face of yours loses most of its impact when your eyes are covered."

Iruka gave up on waiting to be touched and decided to do some touching of his own, reaching out towards Kakashi's simmering chakra and barely restraining his surprise when his hands hit solid flesh. Kakashi chuckled, and he could feel it in the contracting of the muscles warm under his palms. Unwilling to let himself be deterred, Iruka felt his way up the admittedly smooth and toned body in front of him, lifting the jōnin's shirt along on his way. Kakashi held up his arms obligingly so that it could be pulled over his head and when it was gone brought his hands back to rest on Iruka's shoulders, leaning in close so that when he spoke Iruka could feel his breath ghosting over his face. "What now, Sensei?"

Iruka growled, tilted his head sideways a little, pushed forward and kissed him. On the cheek.

Kakashi chuckled. "Maa, how dainty," he teased, before letting out a surprised yelp as Iruka bit him sharply. The chūnin grinned, licking him _almost_ apologetically before feeing his way over to Kakashi's mouth with his lips and instigating a bruising but arousing kiss. When he pulled back he was smirking, and Kakashi was melting. "_Maa_, it's your fault I can't see where to aim."

_I feel like my knees are going to collapse. Iruka is – Iruka is just… wow. No one has ever _mocked_ me before. To hell with the consequences. I want him. _Kakashi didn't bother retorting, instead winding his fingers into Iruka's hair in order to pull him in and resume kissing at a slower, more refined pace. Iruka allowed him to dominate the kiss and control the pace – he wasn't so arrogant to believe that the younger man had no choice in the matter – and so Kakashi took it upon himself to survey every inch of Iruka's hot mouth with his tongue, probing eagerly.

Iruka seemed more than happy to let him, his hands exploring the planes of his back, mapping out the scars that no one ever really got to see. Kakashi almost jumped when the roaming fingers slipped under the waistband of his pants, grabbed his ass and squeezed. He bit the chūnin's neck lightly in warning. "What are you doing?"

Iruka shrugged, not letting go, and grinned impishly. "If you're not going to let me see anything and you don't intend to make any noise, then at least let me touch you."

"Hn," Kakashi grunted, and decided that if Iruka was going to go below the belt then he had every right to as well. He pushed him up against the nearest wall and slipped a knee in between his legs, delighting in the surprised intake of breath the movement elicited. He sucked hard on the chūnin's neck, wanting to leave a mark, and moved so there was no longer any space between them, their bodies pressed tight together.

"So hard from just a couple of kisses, Kakashi-kun?" Iruka teased, though his voice hitched a little when Kakashi tweaked a nipple.

"You can't talk," Kakashi retorted, rolling his hips against Iruka's and earning himself a low moan, "You're just as bad."

"I guess." Iruka chuckled and located the jōnin's face with his hand before pulling him into a messy kiss, thrusting his hips forward in the hope of creating more friction. "But we're not doing this against the wall, I said so before, remember? There's a bed right there."

Kakashi hummed. "I don't know, your body seems pretty happy about this." He dug his fingers into the waistband of Iruka's pants and pulled downwards, smiling as the chūnin's obviously erect penis bobbed cheerfully under his gaze. "I'd say very happy, in fact."

"That's not –" Iruka started to say, and then cut himself off. "Fine. Do it how you want. Just less talking and more touching, okay?"

"Yessir." Kakashi grinned like an idiot, though Iruka couldn't see it, and commenced kissing his way down his lover's body, stopping to swirl his tongue around first one nipple and then the other, a move which was rewarded with a full body shiver. He crouched down and slo-owly licked a line up Iruka's stomach just to the left of the chūnin's cock before repeating the move on the right side, watching it twitch and Iruka's stomach tighten in anticipation.

"Please… hurry. Don't do that." Iruka bit out the words, and it seemed to Kakashi like he hadn't wanted to say them but hadn't quite been able to stop himself. There was a note of desperation in his voice that somehow didn't seem born of sexual frustration. His hands trembled ever so slightly as he searched blindly for Kakashi's arm, following down from his shoulder to his hand and tugging it between his legs until the jōnin's fingers brushed his entrance.

"Ah. You have lube?" Kakashi paused before speaking, no longer sure of where this was going and wondering if maybe it would be a better idea to stop. The delightful chūnin's mood seemed to have taken an inexplicable turn for the worse.

"Top left-hand drawer," Iruka said, his hand still clasped around Kakashi's.

Without really knowing why, Kakashi kissed the spot just above Iruka's navel before gently unwinding the chūnin's fingers from his hand and turning to survey the room.

Iruka only had one set of drawers and Kakashi found the lotion easily, turning his attention back to his near-naked partner quickly. The chūnin seemed smaller than he remembered, still pushed up against the wall, his hands clenched tightly on his thighs. Kakashi tossed the bottle on the bed and crossed the room in three big strides. "Hey, you alright?"

"Yeah, fine. Just hurry up." Iruka smiled, though it seemed a little tight, and reached out blindly to wrap his arms around Kakashi's neck. "I want you inside me, 'kay?"

Kakashi sucked in his breath. "Yeah," he said nonsensically, and wondered whether it really was okay to continue. He'd originally intended to just fuck Iruka against the wall but the chūnin seemed bothered by something, enough so that he was trying to hide it, and that was making him second-guess his choice. _He did say that he didn't want the first time against the wall, maybe that's what's bothering him. In any case, it wouldn't hurt to move this to the bed._

He scooped Iruka up, startling him into grabbing at the back of his neck, and gently deposited him on the bed before tugging his pants the rest of the way off. After a moments thought he pulled off his own as well, and climbed onto the bed to kneel between Iruka's legs. "How did you get so dark all over?" he asked, in a clumsy attempt to break the thick silence that had snuck up on him. He ran his finger lightly over Iruka's hipbone and up to his shoulder and then down again, gazing at the tightly bound expanse of tanned skin in front of him appreciatively.

"I sunbathe naked," Iruka answered, and chuckled softly when Kakashi's finger paused. "I'm just kidding. I've always been this colour."

"Hn." Kakashi placed both of his hands down on Iruka's chest, feeling his erratic heartbeat and noting just how pale he was in comparison to this man.

"Are you going to do something anytime soon? You're making me nervous," Iruka said, mock-scowling.

Kakashi laughed, and dragged his hands down Iruka's chest to encircle his cock. "Maa, I'm just appreciating the view." _And what a nice view it is. _Iruka jumped in his hands, warm and hardening further, and Kakashi leaned forward to grasp his own cock as well, moving one of his hands above Iruka's shoulder to prop himself up.

Iruka gasped almost inaudibly and tilted his hips up into his grip. Kakashi smiled and kissed him, his hand moving faster between them, making Iruka moan into his mouth, his fingers tugging and tangled in floppy silver hair.

Kakashi eased himself down so he was lying flat on top of the younger man, his free hand scrabbling to find the bottle of lube he'd so carelessly tossed on the bed before. His skin burned wherever it touched Iruka, sizzling and hyper-aware of every little move the chūnin made. He gave one last hard jerk of their joined members and then pulled his hand away, earing himself a disappointed whimper.

He smiled at that and licked a nipple apologetically before returning his attention to the important task of drizzling lubricant over his fingers and moving them tonudge gently between Iruka's cheeks. Iruka shivered all over as he felt the slight, wet pressure against his entrance and pushed down, causing Kakashi's forefinger to slip inside him. Kakashi groaned, imagining the feeling around his finger around his cock. "Shit, you weren't kidding that it's been a long time. You're incredibly tight."

"Mmm." Iruka arched up underneath him, increasing the pressure. "Does it bother you?"

"No." Kakashi wiggled his index finger, the rest of his fingers creating a wet, slippery trail up the crack of Iruka's ass. "This is good." His other hand settled on Iruka's hip, his thumb rubbing increasingly wider circles into the firm skin of his waist. "You're good."

"Ah." Iruka shifted so his ass was resting on Kakashi's knees, ignoring the way the movement pushed the finger deeper inside of him and wrapping his legs around the jōnin's back. "More, then?"

Kakashi smiled and slipped another finger in with the first, pushing gently in an attempt to stop the stretch from being painful. The new angle meant he didn't have as much room to move his arm but he had to admit that Iruka looked really good like that, and the skin on skin contact felt pretty damn good as well. He wrapped his hand around Iruka's cock one finger at a time and stroked slowly, moving the fingers of his other hand at the same pace, stretching and scissoring.

Iruka jerked his hips against him at his own speed, forcing him to move faster, and Kakashi readily obliged. He was thoroughly confused by the way the younger man seemed to switch from demanding and confident to meek and unsure – he skirted around the word _frightened_ – so quickly, but the sight and feel of Iruka right here and right now was enough to make him unable and unwilling to follow wherever that train of thought wanted to go. He pushed it to the back of his mind to consider later, and slipped in another finger almost on autopilot. _I'm supposed to make this good for him so he wants to do it again, _he reminded himself. _I should probably concentrate._

Kakashi changed the angle of his fingers incrementally, mathematically, until Iruka let out a shuddery, "_Oooh,_" and tightened his legs around the jōnin's waist. Iruka looked surprised at the noise he had made – _Adorable, _Kakashi thought, and _almost_ wished that he could take off the blindfold to see the entirety of that expression – and secured his bottom lip safely with his teeth so he wouldn't make any more embarrassing sounds.

Kakashi grinned and ran a finger over Iruka's lips slightly, making him shiver. He bent forward and whispered, breath hot against the shell of his ear, "That looks like a challenge to me."

Iruka bit down harder and screwed up his nose. Kakashi shrugged and tapped the same spot again, harder this time. Iruka quivered but refused to make a sound.

"Maa, why so stubborn? You're not going to win this, you know," Kakashi whispered, darting out his tongue to lick the curve of the chūnin's top lip. "Just let me hear you." He moved his fingers faster, harder, pushing relentlessly into the sweet spot that had made Iruka cry out the first time. Iruka's knees cinched tighter around his waist, his hands fisting in the blanket, but still he remained silent.

Kakashi grinned. He always liked it when a challenge was actually challenging. "Hey, you hear that?" he said, pulling his fingers out slowly before thrusting them back in with a decidedly wet _schloop. _"That's the sound your body makes when I'm fucking you with my fingers and your ass is all wet and twitching and just begging me to slide my cock inside. Can you imagine that?" Kakashi drew his fingers out again, eyes cemented to Iruka's tortured face, before pushing back in, setting up a sporadic pace that had Iruka's whole body trembling."You can, can't you? You're imagining it now, my cock hot and deep inside you, fucking you so hard you can feel it up to here." He ran the fingertips of his free hand lightly across the chūnin's shoulders.

Iruka _moaned. _"Fuck, Kakashi. 's cheating."

Kakashi chuckled and swiped his tongue over Iruka's collarbone. "There's no such thing as cheating in this game."

Iruka let out a growl that trailed off into a whimper, reaching up to dig his fingers into Kakashi's back and pull him closer. "Whatever. Don't you think you've done enough stretching?"

"Maa, desperate, aren't we?" Kakashi chuckled and stole a quick kiss, unable to help himself. "Are you sure?"

Iruka nodded, lifting his hips and spreading his legs wider in invitation. "I want to feel you."

Kakashi smiled, withdrawing his fingers and giving Iruka's cock a lazy stroke before covering his own with lube. He pressed the head of his cock gently against Iruka's opening and then looked up, just to make sure. Iruka was biting his lip again, draining it of all colour.

"Hey, don't do that, you'll break the skin soon." Kakashi kissed his way softly up the chūnin's neck to nibble on his ear. "I really don't want to make you bleed, you know."

Iruka released the hold on his lip, his breath coming in a loud gasp. "Stop teasing, do it."

Kakashi kissed the underside of his jaw before returning his attention to his own twitching cock and pushing in slowly, relishing the feeling of the tight ring of muscles clamping around him. "Shit, you feel good." He groaned and pressed in deeper, sinking to the hilt, then shifted his gaze back to Iruka's face. "Does it hurt?"

"A little." Iruka wrinkled his nose and then smiled. "Just stay still for a bit. Kiss me?"

Kakashi complied happily, his fingers weaving into soft brown strands and his tongue dancing in Iruka's mouth. He shifted so he was lying flat on top of the chūnin, feeling the warmth of his skin against his own, the movement making his cock twitch. He wanted more than anything to move, to just thrust hard and fast to find his release, but for Iruka he would wait.

He didn't have to wait for long before Iruka deemed himself ready and rocked against him gently, causing friction that sent stars exploding in his brain. He pushed back slowly, his mouth against Iruka's neck, drawing out until only the head of his cock was left inside before pushing back in again. Iruka's body clutched at him tightly, squeezing his dick in all the right ways.

Iruka arched up underneath him, fingers digging into his back. "_Shit._"

Kakashi rubbed his nose against the chūnin's neck, unable to get enough of the scent that was distinctly Iruka, licked and then bit him gently, all the while continuing his slow thrusting pace. "What that a good 'shit' or a bad 'shit'?"

"Aaah… good," Iruka moaned. "Feels good."

"That's what I like to hear." Kakashi picked up the pace, rising up onto his knees with Iruka's ass on his lap so he could watch where their bodies joined. Iruka's hands tightened in the sheets, and he pushed back against him to meet his thrusts perfectly. "I almost wish you could see this, watch my cock moving in your ass, filling you up. You're so tight and wet and slippery around me."

Iruka whined in the back of his throat and pushed against him harder, faster, disrupting the rhythm. Kakashi chuckled, and slid his hands underneath his back on impulse, scooping him up so he was sitting upright. Iruka clutched at his forearms, disorientated. "Why?"

Kakashi pulled him closer so their chests were touching and spoke directly into Iruka's ear, purring. "Because words really do it for you, don't they? It turns you on to hear me talk about how my cock is buried deep inside you, _fucking you,_ and how much I like the feeling of your cock rubbing against me as you bounce up and down."

Iruka sucked in a deep breath and let it out again in moan form, knees clamping tight around Kakashi's waist. "_Gods, _Kakashi."

"That's right." Kakashi smirked. "Lift your hips and grind into me. Fuck yourself with my cock."

Iruka did as he was asked, moving faster and faster, his hands fisted in Kakashi's hair and his tongue shoved halfway down Kakashi's throat. Kakashi didn't have time to wonder what beast he'd unleashed, because said beast was devouring him so fast he had no clue how to form a coherent thought anymore and could only focus on the insanely good feeling that was Iruka's walls rubbing up and down his cock. Now _he_ was the one clutching at Iruka's scarred back, his fingers holding on for dear life.

Iruka came without warning, his entire body shuddering and his kiss turning feral, pulling Kakashi's hair almost to the point of ripping it out. Kakashi came with him, the pain of his scalp tangling and merging with the pleasure of his lower body, strengthening his orgasm.

He collapsed backwards, drained, Iruka dropping on top of him. Iruka laughed breathlessly, nuzzling into his neck. "_Fuck,_" he said, unable to express how he felt properly.

"Yeah," Kakashi agreed, his fingers moving unconsciously to stroke through Iruka's hair.

Iruka smiled tiredly against his shoulder. "Hey, Kakashi?"

"Mm?" _He has really nice hair, _Kakashi decided, rubbing his nose in it. _It's so soft._

"There should be a bandana in the top right drawer. Would you wear it, so I can look at you?"

Kakashi shifted his gaze to Iruka's face and felt his eyes widen. Sometime in their wild bout of lovemaking the hitai-ate had slipped from Iruka's eyes to around his neck. _I didn't even notice. Shit, he screwed over all my senses. I would never have let something like that slip past me before. _What surprised him the most, though, was the fact that while Iruka's face was tilted up towards him his eyes remained closed.

"Kakashi?"

Kakashi pushed him away gently, his knees shaky as he stood up. He didn't quite know what to do with the level of trust Iruka was handing him, so he decided to ignore it for now. "Wait," he said, his voice a little wobbly.

Iruka rolled onto his back and smiled up at the ceiling, eyes still shut tight. "You really are perverted, aren't you?"

Kakashi ignored the question and pulled open the drawer he'd been directed to. The bandana was a solid, lurid orange, and Kakashi guessed it had been a present of sorts from Naruto. He shrugged and tied it over his nose anyway; he wasn't the one who had to look at it.

Iruka jumped when he felt a hand on his thigh, and scowled to hide his uneasiness. Kakashi patted him softly in silent apology before moving between his legs to clean up the mess he'd made. He'd stolen a box of tissues off Iruka's chest of drawers and he was more than happy to be in charge of cleaning up if it meant he got to continue running his hands over the chūnin's smooth skin.

Making his way up the sticky white trail splattered across Iruka's stomach, Kakashi suddenly paused. "What is this?"

"Huh?" Iruka's eyes flew open automatically to see what he was looking at, although he quickly realized his mistake and his hands shot up to cover his eyes. "Ah, sorry."

"You can look."

Iruka brought his hands down from his face slowly, his eyes drifting from Kakashi bandana-covered face to his pale chest, and then to his own chest as Kakashi prodded him lightly.

"What are these?" The jōnin touched his finger to a small, circular indent on Iruka's stomach that was pale in comparison to the skin around it, ringed by a darker ridge. "You have them everywhere."

Iruka squeezed his eyes shut again. "They're scars," he said flatly.

Kakashi knew he had no right to pry and since he'd been given an answer like that his attention was clearly unwanted, but he couldn't help himself. If he didn't find out he'd be curious forever, and then he'd just end up asking someone else and probably embarrass Iruka or make him angry, neither of which were things he wanted to happen. "But what makes scars like this?"

Iruka looked at him carefully, seeming to weigh up the options of telling him or not. Well, either that or he was debating whether he was as stupid as he sounded. Kakashi couldn't tell. "Cigarettes," he said eventually.

"Burns," Kakashi muttered, light dawning. He could see what they were now and felt dense for not realizing it sooner. What he didn't understand, though, was why Iruka would have burns all over him. He was certain that Iruka couldn't have ever been captured and tortured, because Sandaime had treated him like a son and Kakashi would have been one of the first to be sent to save him had he ever fallen into enemy hands. "Do you smoke?" he asked, cursing his genius brain for being so slow post-orgasm.

"No," Iruka answered, his voice flat and his eyes flashing defiant, daring Kakashi to say something more. "But 'Zuki used to."

In all honesty Kakashi had no clue what to say to that. He'd never been eloquent in social situations, and handling other people's emotions delicately wasn't something that came naturally to him. It was obvious that the last thing Iruka wanted was sympathy, but it was much less obvious what Iruka _did_ want from him. He needed time to digest the information, to analyse and understand what to do with it.

"I have to go water my plants," he said, slithering off the bed and dressing quickly before rushing out the door, too afraid to look back.

Iruka stayed where he was, staring blankly at the ceiling. He sighed heavily and whispered to himself, "Once a liar, always a liar. I'm disappointed, Kakashi-san."


	3. Chapter 3

**o0o**

"Pakkun?"

Once Kakashi had walked out on him Iruka hadn't expected to see him for a while, given his track record of running away from things that confused him. He'd expected even less to see the silver-haired nin's favourite nin-dog.

Pakkun scratched behind his ear with his back foot. "Ohayo, Iruka-sensei."

"Not that I have a problem with it, but why are you here?" Iruka set down his coffee and the current lesson plan he was altering to give the pug his full attention.

"Did Kakashi have a talk with you last night?"

Pakkun eyed the coffee and Iruka surreptitiously moved it further out of reach of his stubby little paws. He rubbed his forehead and sighed. "I guess you could call it that, if you're very generous with the word 'talk'."

"Ah, so it's like that." Pakkun crept forward an inch, eyes flickering to Iruka to see if he'd be caught. Iruka pretended not to notice, and stared blankly at the coffee table for a while, thinking.

Eventually he asked, "Does he always run away if he doesn't understand something?"

Pakkun snorted in disgust. "Did he do it again?"

Iruka dipped his head in affirmation and dragged his fingers through his hair, frustrated. "He must know that if he asks I will answer him, right? He doesn't have to figure everything out on his own."

Pakkun made a movement reminiscent of a human shrug, shuffling a little closer to the coffee table. "Kakashi has been alone for most of his life and he doesn't like relying on others. He wants to find the answers himself. In any case you're the only person he's gotten close enough to to fluster him enough that it'll make him run away. You're the only thing he doesn't understand."

"I'm also the best source of information if he really wants to find things out about me," Iruka said, rolling his eyes. "I bet he'll just go through all my records instead."

Pakkun blinked up at him, intrigued. "Does it not bother you that he's socially retarded?"

"Socially retarded?" Iruka burst out laughing. "No, no, I should have expected it, really. To be honest I find it kinda cute. If he's going to go through my mission, medical and psychiatric records then I guess that's a bit invasive, but I knew he was strange to begin with and I don't really have anything that I intend to hide from him. I do wish he'd ask me straight out, but I can't really hate him for not doing it. He's almost like a little kid kicking his crush and pulling her hair, you know?"

Pakkun shook his head and nudged the table with his shoulder, hoping the coffee would fall and spill onto the floor. "Maybe you nutjobs are made for each other then," he muttered.

Iruka grinned and picked the little pug up by the scruff of his neck, plonking him down on the couch beside him. "Kakashi's not so bad and I know you think so too, because otherwise you'd refuse to help him, right? Besides, he's not the only one who needs to learn how to ask directly when he wants things." He looked pointedly at the coffee before sighing and reaching out to scratch the dog behind the ear. "I'm kind of jealous of him, actually. I always wanted a pet but my mother said they were too noisy and dirty and needed more time and affection than I had to give out. I know you guys aren't pets, but," Iruka gave an apologetic smile, "All I really wanted was somebody to spend time with who'd always be by my side and love me unconditionally. I wanted a dog and what I got was 'Zuki and, well, his kind of love was not exactly what I was looking for." He smiled wryly. "And if Kakashi really wants to know about 'Zuki he's going to have to ask me directly."

Pakkun scuffled forward and laid his head on Iruka's knee for the optimum scratching position, his eyes half-closed in pleasure and his tongue lolling out, just a bit. "If you're Kakashi's mate then it makes you our master too," he said drowsily. It wasn't completely true, but he didn't think any of the pack would mind. Neither Bull nor Bisuke needed a blood pact to force them to rush to Iruka's side were he to be in danger. He considered calling the rest of the pack so that Iruka could live out his pet fantasies, seeing as Kakashi obviously didn't know how to treat him right, and then decided he was much too selfish to willingly share the teacher's attention. "And even if you weren't the pups are way too attached to you to even think about letting you go now."

Iruka leaned back into the couch and smiled gently, closing his eyes as he stroked the pug's head. "Thank you, Pakkun. That means a lot to me."

**o0o**

Kakashi awoke to discover he'd slept at the memorial stone. His back was bent at an uncomfortable angle and it clicked as he stood up. _Shit. I haven't done that since I was a child._

When his father had died he hadn't wanted to return to the house because when he did go home he saw blood everywhere – on the walls, on the floors, on the roof – and the air pushed down on him, heavy with guilt. So oftentimes his feet had lead him here, to the memorial, to memorise the names of those who died an _honourable _death as a sort of self-punishment. That was before he had any names to particularly care about, of course. He fell asleep many times just reciting the names to himself, and woke up nearly as many in the guest room of his sensei's house.

At the time he'd be mad, embarrassed that he wasn't a good enough shinobi to realize that he was being picked up and carried somewhere. He didn't once think that he was just a tired little boy who'd been dealt a bad hand in life.

As he grew older he'd gained a grudging respect for Minato, and understood that not picking up on the movement didn't necessarily mean he was a bad ninja, just that Minato was an exceptionally good one. When he grew older still he became thankful to the blond prodigy for caring about a little silver-haired child who had no one else in the world, but by that time it was far too late for him to be able to say anything.

Kakashi patted the memorial stone with easy familiarity, smiling softly. "We've been through a lot, haven't we?"

He felt bad for running away from Iruka yet again, but he still didn't know what else he could have done. _He said he didn't hate Mizuki, _he remembered, _but he also said that – "I don't smoke. But 'Zuki used to." Shit. _Kakashi scrubbed a hand through his hair, thoroughly confused. _He pretty much admitted that the guy used to stub out his cigarettes on him. And he wanted to challenge me to confront him about it. How could it even have happened in the first place? Even if Mizuki was physically stronger than him Iruka is not stupid, nor is he easily intimidated. How is it even possible?_

Kakashi stared at the memorial stone and then shook his head in disgust at himself. "The dead aren't going to know the answer. You really need to get some better friends." He frowned thoughtfully. _Minato and Obito don't know, but Izumo probably does. I wonder if he'd tell me. I guess it's worth a try._

Kakashi shoved his hands deep into his pockets and squashed his body into a well-practiced slouch specifically designed to make him look non-threatening before moving off in the direction of Izumo's house. His mind clicked over into the frame it worked best in; analytical research and calculated observation.

_His main data file is the one held by the Hokage, and I have enough clearance to look at that without trouble. Medical records would be interesting, seeing as he seems to have been subjected to domestic violence, and they're included in the main file but the details are held only at the hospital. I'll have to steal those. Psych records – he said he saw a psychiatrist for a time, didn't he? – those would be the most interesting, but also the hardest to get ahold of. I'll have to find out the name of the person he was seeing._

Kakashi smiled underneath his mask, feeling more comfortable now that he was in a zone he was proficient in and out of the deep waters that were Iruka's emotions. He didn't even stop to think for a second that the chūnin might hate having his life pried into like that; this relationship was a mission, and he never embarked on a mission without finding out all the information he could gather first.

**o0o**

Izumo wasn't home. It annoyed him, but it was only a minor setback and he had a fair idea of where the man would be anyway.

The hum of the mission room quieted to a low buzz as Kakashi stepped through the door, then rose up again as soon as the occupants of the room realized he wasn't Tsunade coming to kick them out for loitering. He spied his target almost immediately and strode towards the missions desk, cutting in front of the line.

"I need to talk to you," he said bluntly, slamming his hands down on the desk.

Izumo, who looked as if he'd been about to fall asleep, jerked awake. "Huh? I'm working."

"About Iruka," Kakashi pressed, knowing that he was garnering attention but unable to bring himself to care. He wanted answers, and he wanted them _now._

Izumo tugged on the hair draped over his eye and an irritated look flickered over his face. "Anything you want to know you should ask him. He won't lie to you. I might."

Kakashi growled. "But you _know _him. You've slept with him. What's wrong with him?"

"What's wrong with him?" Izumo repeated, gaping, before realizing that the entire mission room had come to a stop and was listening intently to their conversation. He blushed a deep scarlet. "Come with me."

He stood quickly and hurried out of the room, feeling like his face was on fire. As soon as he reached what was a safe distance down the hallway he turned around and hissed, "What were you _thinking_? Don't say things like that so loud."

Kakashi, who had followed as instructed, just stared at him blankly. "But it's true. You did sleep with him, and he's weird."

Izumo scowled. "Putting aside the fact that you think there's something wrong with Iruka, have you not considered that some of the people in this village might be prejudiced towards people who are attracted to the same sex?"

Kakashi shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. "Maa, everybody already knows that I am with Iruka in that way. I don't particularly care what they think about it."

"Not everybody thinks like you," Izumo said angrily, "And no one would dare question you about it anyway. You're the goddamn Copy-nin."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Is there someone in particular you're hiding your sexuality from?"

"Not anymore. You told him."

"Ah. You mean that spiky-haired chūnin that Iruka said you had a crush on? Isn't he supposed to be your best friend or something? How could he not know you guys were banging each other?"

Izumo growled. "Kotetsu doesn't see anything except what he wants to see. He's blind to anything that doesn't interest him. Now just tell me what nonsense you wanted to tell me so I can go back and bury myself in work."

"Hn." Now that he had the chūnin's attention Kakashi wasn't really sure what to say. "Is Iruka always so… bipolar?"

Izumo blinked at him, his expression saying for him what a stupid question that was. "If you mean he changes mood fast, then yes. You should already know that."

He turned to leave but stopped in his tracks when Kakashi added, "Even during sex?"

Izumo turned around slowly, frowning deeply. "What do you mean?"

Kakashi shrugged, suddenly feeling inexplicably nervous. _If he doesn't know what I'm talking about then it must be something to do with me in particular. _"Sometimes timid, sometimes confident."

Izumo didn't lose his frown, and he spoke in a hard whisper. "What did you do to him?"

Kakashi shrugged again uselessly. "I don't know. I just did things normally. Unless you count the blindfold, I guess, but that's not a big deal."

"Blindfold?" Izumo turned pale, and Kakashi couldn't tell if it was from anger or shock. _Possibly both_, he reasoned. "That's not _normal_ for a first time. Why on earth would you do that?"

Kakashi tapped his mask, beginning to feel unreasonably guilty.

"Because you don't want him to see your face." Izumo narrowed his eyes, angry beyond belief. "If he trusts you enough to let you take away one of his senses then you should damn well trust him enough to show him your stupid face."

Kakashi dug his hands deeper into his pockets. "Maa, it does require a certain degree of trust but it's not that big of a deal, is it?"

"Not that big of a deal?" Izumo was slowly turning red, and Kakashi wondered if all chūnin were this short-tempered or if Iruka just rubbed off on those around him. "It might not be to you, but it's a big fucking deal for 'Ruka. I can't believe he even actually let you do that."

"What happened to make it so important?" Kakashi frowned. Maybe he was heading into deeper waters than he'd first thought.

Izumo was saved from answering by the loud arrival of the Hokage storming her way up the hallway. She stopped when she saw Kakashi, and pointed a finger at him. "You are just the person I wanted to see. We need to talk."

Kakashi glanced at Izumo and seriously considered telling her _no thank you, I'd rather not talk with you right now_. He desperately wanted to unravel the mystery that was Iruka and the man he'd finally managed to trap had all the answers. In the end he gave in and followed her back to her office anyway, because he couldn't find it in himself to break his loyalty.

""Sid'down." Tsunade waved a hand in the vague direction of a chair and busied herself filling a large cup with sake. She handed it to Kakashi, who had perched on the edge of the chair, and took a swig out of the bottle herself. "There are problems, lots of problems. You're very problematic, you know."

Kakashi squinted at her. "Are you drunk?"

"Not at all," Tsunade muttered darkly, "This is the first drink I've had in a long while. I've just had no sleep because I've been spending all week trying to fix _your_ problem."

"What problem?" Kakashi asked, voice carefully disinterested.

"Your _man_ problem," Tsunade said, thumping the bottle down on the desk.

Kakashi glanced down at his groin and frowned. "I don't have a man problem."

"I didn't mean that." Tsunade picked up the bottle again and transferred it to her left hand, changed her mind and put it back down again. "I guess a better way to put it would be your child problem."

Kakashi sighed inwardly. He should have guessed he'd never be able to escape from _that_. "What is your solution?"

"Well, I originally believed that you could either sleep with a woman of the Elders' choosing or give a sperm sample," Tsunade started, tapping her painted nails against the desk.

"I don't intend to give samples of anything of mine to them," Kakashi said flatly. "They'll use it to impregnate more than one woman so they can make my children in secret and turn them into Root machines."

"Yes, yes, that's not the problem though," Tsunade said dismissively, sighing. "It's much more complicated than that. No matter how you go about it those two old goats want the child to be raised in a 'proper' household with both a mother and a father."

Kakashi raised an eyebrow and swirled the sake in his cup around, following the movement of the liquid with his eye. "You mean they disapprove of Iruka."

"Exactly." Tsunade nodded grimly. "They want you to marry a woman, any woman if at least you'll agree to it, but they'd rather like you to consider a Root member named Hotaru."

"If I'm being forced to have a child there is no way I will let it grow up to become part of Root, or even ANBU," Kakashi said, scowling under the mask. "It would be a lot easier for you if you just let them have their way and ordered me to marry, though. Why are you so desperate to defend us?"

"You deserve a bit of happiness, brat. You probably won't get it for a while, because Iruka's going to drive you up the wall, but I pity him more than you. I know you're thinking about stealing his records and I'm only going to say one thing about it; don't. Just talk to him like a normal person."

Kakashi studied her carefully. There was an element of truth in what she was saying, but he didn't quite buy it. "Maa, I get it," he said slowly, the wheels in his brain turning, "You must have raked in a lot of money for those stupid bets on who I was going to choose, right? If I end up with someone else everyone is going to come screaming for their money back."

Tsunade sighed heavily and buried her face in her hands. "Sometimes you're too smart for your own good, Kakashi. But in the end it doesn't matter why I'm doing it so long as I'm on your side, right? I have the solution that will let you stay together and play happy families with Iruka."

Kakashi stared at her blankly, waiting for her to elaborate. Ever since she'd presented him with the problem his genius mind had been ticking away, exploring every possible way of getting what he wanted out of this. The only answer he could come up with would be to kidnap Iruka and become a missing nin, and he didn't think she would agree to that.

"The only way for you to do it," Tsunade said, pointing a finger at him, "Is to get Iruka pregnant!"

Kakashi stared harder.

"The Elders wouldn't like it but they wouldn't be able to say anything because you _would_ be a real family. They couldn't say, 'oh, give the child to his mother' because Iruka would be his mother, see?" Tsunade cackled.

"Are you sure you're not drunk?" Kakashi asked, frowning.

"Not at all, not at all," Tsunade said, waving her hand about. "I think Iruka would make a rather nice mother, don't you?"

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "Iruka is a _man._"

"I know," Tsunade said blithely, "That's why it took all week to sort out this problem. I had to research all over to find out if it was possible, and then I had to make adjustments to the drugs and background check them to make sure they were safe."

"You were researching ways to get a man pregnant?" Kakashi asked, barely able to keep the disbelief out of his voice. "That's wrong on so many levels."

Tsunade shrugged. "If you want to stay with him then this is your only choice."

Kakashi ran his fingers through his hair unhappily. "I don't think you quite understand the situation," he said quietly. "Why on earth would Iruka want to do something this extreme for me? If _he _were to get _me_ pregnant, though, then –"

"Impossible," Tsunade snapped. "I need you to keep going on missions and you couldn't if you had a precious life form inside you. Iruka could still perform his job adequately if pregnant."

Kakashi didn't want to think about a life growing inside of Iruka, and even less about one in himself. He didn't even want to think about having a child at all, in any way, shape or form. He wasn't ready to provide for someone else, not when he still had trouble trying to patch up his own life. "I can't ask him to do that."

"Why not, Brat? Haven't got the balls?" Tsunade leered and swigged from her sake bottle.

Kakashi frowned. "I don't have the right to ask him for something like that. I'm sure he's already mad at me."

Tsunade gave a world-weary sigh and stalked over to him, placing her hands on his shoulders and steaming sake breath into his face. "I swear, Iruka-sensei will probably do anything you ask of him. He cares about you, for some stupid reason. I want you to ask because I also care about you and I want you to be happy, so give it some consideration, okay? I'll give you a week to decide whether you want to talk about it with him."

Kakashi turned his head to the side to avoid her stinking breath and muttered a reluctant affirmative.

"Good." She patted him on the shoulder affectionately and turned back to her desk. "Work hard. Iruka's tougher than you think."

**o0o**

_I didn't really want to write an mpreg because it's kind of, well, something writers often use just to say ZOMG Iruka and Kakashi have a child with each other and everything's just so perfect! Or something like that. But really, I came to the same conclusion as Tsunade: The Elders wouldn't stand for anything less. Actually, they probably won't even stand for this. We'll see. Also, I'm not really keen to write het sex. But, oh well._

_The other thing is that having Mizuki as the bad guy is totally cliché and I know and hate that, but it's pretty much canon, awwite? Also, I've never done it before (I don't think) and I just love to torture poor Iruka. He's a strong boy; he can handle it :)_

_Peace out, homies. I really should do some graphic design and get some sleep._


	4. Chapter 4

**o0o**

_Get Iruka pregnant. _Kakashi shook his head, trying to get over the weirdness of it all. His feet had meandered him back to the memorial stone and he smiled wryly to himself. Iruka had been right in calling him a morbid bastard. It seemed he couldn't break the habit. _But I really can't ask him to do that for me. It's too much._

Even in his own mind he was unsure how much of his reluctance was the fact that asking your new lover to change their gender for you is pushing the boundaries of fairness and the fact that he was afraid Iruka would say no.

Truthfully, he was also afraid that Iruka would say yes. In the week he'd been given to pick a partner he'd resigned himself to the fact that somewhere along the line he'd have to produce an heir, and prepared himself as much as he could for that fact. He hadn't really succeeded, but he'd managed to get his mind around the sex-with-the-intention-to-produce-offspring and partner-with-growing-belly parts. That is, if his partner was a _woman._ He usually prided himself on his ability to think through the possible outcomes of every situation – he was no Nara, but he was certainly close – but he hadn't even considered that he would be asked to impregnate his male partner.

_And why should I have, _he thought irritably. _As far as I know it's never been done before, and it's a ridiculous notion in the first place. Tsunade-sama can't have thought this through. Whatever drugs she's going to give him will probably make the baby retarded, which defeats the purpose of having one._

Sensing someone coming he wandered away from the stone, pushing chakra into his feet and walking up one of the large trees scattered around the edge of the clearing. He swung his legs over a branch and leaned against the trunk, feeling slightly guilty for spying on someone who was paying their respects for the dead but not wanting to have to make forced, polite conversation.

He was almost surprised to see Kurenai, who was carrying a squirming Hiruzen and a bunch of pink roses. Kurenai set the kid down beside the stone, careful to keep the roses away from him, and stroked his head gently. Hiruzen toddled forward a couple of steps before falling backwards onto his rump, a surprised look on his face. Undeterred, he stumbled forwards again and pressed his chubby hands against the flat face of the memorial, burbling happy nonsense while his mother looked on with a sad smile.

_He's going to grow up to look a lot like Asuma, _Kakashi thought, studying the child critically with his lone gray eye. _There's something in the shape of his face, not to mention his bull-headed determination. I wonder what a child would look like with my and Iruka's genes._

Though he was unwilling to admit it, the idea of having a child with Iruka appealed to him on some absurd level. Hopefully the kid would get all of Iruka's emotional, caring side – for it's own good as well as being a big 'fuck you' to the village elders. If the child were like Iruka it would never be able to become an emotionless killer like they wanted, like he was. In his mind he had already decided that he would give his life for this imaginary child to be able to have a proper childhood, if it came to that. He absolutely refused to raise a child the way he had been raised – not that he had any idea how to raise a child anyway. That was where Iruka really came in handy. The man seemed like he was born to be a parent, and he'd even managed to mold Naruto into a somewhat normal human being, which was an achievement in itself.

Kurenai had crouched down behind her child and was guiding his chubby fingers along the characters for the name _Sarutobi Asuma. _"This is your daddy's name, Hiru-chan," she said softly. "He was a good shinobi and a good man. You're going to grow up big and strong like him."

"Babby," Hiruzen cried, giggling, and wedged his fist into his mouth.

Kurenai gave a slightly exasperated chuckle and tugged it out, getting baby drool all over her hand. "That's right, baby. Daddy."

Hiruzen gave her a gratuitous smile and promptly returned his fingers to his mouth.

"Dirty," his mother scolded lightly, setting the roses down against the stone and hoisting him up against her chest, pulling on his hand once more and earning herself a baby-faced frown. She gave the memorial stone a last, lingering look before turning back to the child in her arms, giving him a bright smile. "Does Hiru-chan want to visit cousin Konohamaru?"

Hiruzen gigged and clapped his hands. "Kou-ru!"

"We'll do that then, won't we," Kurenai cooed at him, and sent an amused smile towards Kakashi's tree before ambling back the way she'd come.

Kakashi leaned his head back against the tree and closed his eyes. _What's wrong with me? I could have sworn I was hiding my chakra. I must be losing my touch._

_But still, children do have an undeniable charm. Iruka's kid would be even more charming, I bet. I don't want to get attached to something so small and defenseless. It could be used against me._

**o0o**

Iruka dug his way to the back of the cupboard, humming quietly to himself. He didn't know when – or even if – Kakashi was coming back, but he was making dinner for two anyway. If the stupid jōnin refused to show his stupid head around here again then, well, Iruka wouldn't have to make dinner tomorrow night, would he? He could just have leftovers.

Something wet brushed against the back of his calf and he almost jumped, doing his best to calm his pounding heart before turning around.

"Hey, hey, Iruka-sensei? Is some of that for us?"

Iruka scratched his nose nervously. "I, well, what do you guys usually eat?"

He'd told Pakkun he wanted a dog, yes, but he hadn't been prepared for Kakashi's entire pack at the same time. The weight of sixteen bright, watchful eyes all staring at him at once was a little too much, and not something he felt he'd get used to in a hurry. Especially when they all insisted on following him into his kitchen and then sat there drooling, watching his every move. Dinner for two he could do. Dinner for ten… not so much.

Bisuke rubbed one paw over the other and looked at the floor mournfully. "Well, we usually live off the scraps of meat we can pull off bones people have chucked out in the garbage. Kakashi doesn't feed us very well." The rest of the pack adopted their best sad puppy expressions.

"You live on a different _plane_. I'm not supposed to feed you, you self-serving mutts. And if you can't manage to catch your own dinner then you don't even deserve to be labeled ninken," Kakashi growled, pushing through the sea of dogs blocking the entrance to the kitchen.

Bisuke took one look at him and disappeared in a puff of smoke. The rest of the dogs cringed, except for Pakkun, who snorted. "It's not like you can even cook, Kakashi."

Kakashi ignored him and kept striding forward to peer over Iruka's shoulder. His eyes widened when he saw what was on the stove. "Is that what I think it is?" he asked in a low voice.

Iruka, who'd been shocked into standing still, unfroze and scratched awkwardly at his scar, embarrassed. "Well, you said it was your favourite food. I should have guessed you were just making fun of me again but I thought it might actually be so I wanted to make it."

Kakashi stared at him, an unfathomable expression in his eye. "No, it really is my favourite food," he said slowly, and then added in a lighter voice, "Maa, this wouldn't be a bribe, would it? To get me to come back?"

Iruka blushed scarlet and cursed the fact that his skin was so responsive. "No, it's not. I just had the ingredients and remembered you liked it. I was more thinking that if you didn't come back I would have the pleasure of knowing you were missing out on something."

Kakashi chuckled, pleasantly surprised. He liked that Iruka had a bit of bite to him. "Maa, what a vengeful man you are, Sensei."

Ūhei cleared his throat, bringing the attention of the two men back to the fact that there were currently seven dogs crowding Iruka's tiny kitchen, and sniffed the air delicately. "What exactly are you making, Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka swiveled his gaze to the bandaged dog, thankful to have something to focus on that wasn't a crazed jōnin set on embarrassing him. "It's miso soup with eggplant," he explained. "This is my mother's recipe."

The ninken all averted their eyes, except for Bull, who let his tongue loll out of his mouth and kept gazing at Iruka with big eyes.

"Eggplant," Shiba snorted. "What is the point of a meal with vegetables in it?"

"Oi, shut up Shiba," Urushi hissed, nipping the other dog's shoulder. "Iruka-sensei can cook whatever disgusting meal he likes."

Iruka looked at Kakashi. Kakashi looked back and shrugged. "Good manners don't come naturally to them, they're dogs. They're not going to be eating anyway." He turned his attention back to the ninken and narrowed his eyes. "Shoo."

They all stared back at him.

Kakashi growled. "If you don't leave nicely then I will forcibly dismiss you, and you remember what that feels like, don't you?"

All seven dogs cringed, and Guruko gazed imploringly at Iruka with big eyes. "You see how he treats us? It's summon cruelty, it is."

Iruka crouched down and patted his head consolingly. "He's just in a bit of a bad mood, that's all. You guys do need to go though, because Kakashi and I need to be alone for a while, okay?"

Shiba scratched his head with his back foot. "Oh, are you going to mate? You should have said so before."

Iruka was quickly turning an alarming shade of red, and Kakashi couldn't tell if he was angry or embarrassed. The dogs, however, had managed to figure out that no matter which it was it was a dangerous colour, and wisely decided to mumble their goodbyes and disappear as soon as possible.

Kakashi stared at the spot where his pack had been and felt a strange sense of foreboding. _I should probably have let them stay. Being alone with Iruka is almost more terrifying. _

Iruka turned back to the stove, stirring the soup lazily, Kakashi watching out of the corner of his eye. "Am I actually allowed some of that?" the jōnin asked tentatively. It smelled good, and it _was_ his favourite food.

"Yes," Iruka said shortly, not looking up.

The shirt he was wearing was tight across his chest, and Kakashi felt his gaze dropping down to imagine that nicely toned stomach bulging out in pregnancy. His gaze dropped lower and he started to imagine a nude pregnant Iruka – _too weird _– until Iruka smacked him on the back of the head with his wooden spoon.

"Oi! Get your mind out of the gutter."

Kakashi rubbed his head reflexively, and gave a shut-eye smile. "Maa, wouldn't dream of it, Sensei." _If only you knew what I was actually thinking about._

Iruka sighed and shook his head. "You're deplorable, you know that? And yes, you may have some, but not –" he whacked the back of Kakashi's questing fingers, "Not before it's finished cooking. You'll burn your tongue."

Kakashi rubbed his now sore fingers with his other hand and pouted. "You didn't have to hit me that hard."

"Grow up," Iruka muttered, stirring the soup with much more force than necessary.

"You're just mad because I left you alone last night, aren't you?" Kakashi retorted unthinkingly, and then cursed his brain for saying it. Last night was not something he wanted to talk about. Why couldn't he have picked a safe topic?

Iruka frowned down at the pot and shook his head. "No. I didn't expect you to run off like that, but I didn't exactly have high expectations in the first place. I'm disappointed, but I'm not mad."

_Disappointed._ Kakashi shivered a little in his head. Minato had often been _disappointed_ with him, and it had bothered him a lot more than the times his sensei had shouted at him. Minato had had a special face he'd use every time he'd talk down to his teammates or overestimate his own ability, a look that said, _Kakashi, you know better than this. _Iruka wasn't even looking at him, but he could feel the chūnin's annoyance at his behavior radiating off him.

"I didn't intend to leave like that," he said shortly, unable to formulate a proper apology.

Iruka took it for what it was, an unspoken _sorry_, and smiled gently at him, meeting his gaze for what seemed like the first time. "Thank you."

Kakashi smiled back as genuinely as he could before realizing the gesture would go unnoticed because of the mask. He touched his cloth-covered cheek uneasily. _At some point I'm going to have to show him my face. Things are progressing in a strange way already; I spent the night with him and I came back. I don't even know why I came back, and I don't think he expected me to. He must think I'm a complete asshole. _"Izumo said I shouldn't have blindfolded you," he added, causing Iruka to frown.

"You talked to Izumo about having sex with me?" the chūnin asked slowly, almost as if he couldn't believe it. "You ran away to do _that_?"

Kakashi shrugged, and took a small step backwards. "Is that a bad thing?"

Iruka blinked at him. "Is that a bad thing?" he repeated. "A _bad thing?_ Kakashi-san, there are so many things wrong with that that I can't even imagine what compelled you to do it in the first place. Actually, scratch that, I do know why you did it. You did it because you wanted to find out more about me, right?"

Kakashi nodded. "You've slept with him before," he pointed out unnecessarily.

Iruka gritted his teeth. "And doesn't that give you a reason _not_ to talk to him about us?"

Kakashi frowned. "No?"

"_Yes._" Iruka was seconds away from throwing the wooden spoon at him. "Izumo and I were sleeping together for three years. In that period of time you gain a certain amount of affection for your partner, whether or not you ever loved each other. He's alone now, and upset, and you think that flaunting your relationship with me in his face is _not_ a bad thing? Think about how other people feel, for once."

"Oh." Kakashi scratched the back of his head awkwardly. He hadn't even thought about that, and now he felt slightly guilty. "I didn't realize."

Iruka sighed heavily. "Of course you didn't. Just try not to make his life any more miserable than it already is, okay? If you have any questions, ask me and I'll do my best to answer them for you."

Kakashi swallowed nervously. "I think I already did," he said quietly.

"Did what?" Iruka frowned.

"Make him miserable?" Kakashi said tentatively.

Iruka's expression darkened further. "How," he said, and it came out as an order rather than a question.

"Maa, I may have accidentally told everyone in the mission room that he was gay?" Kakashi transferred most of his weight to his right leg, all the better to defend himself from any fists that may or may not be aimed at his face in the near future.

"Including Kotetsu," Iruka said flatly, looking for affirmation, and Kakashi nodded mutely. Iruka sighed and rubbed at his forehead tiredly. "I suppose you actually did him a favour with that one. It's something 'Tetsu needed to know and 'Zumo wasn't about to spill that secret himself."

Kakashi let his muscles relax a fraction. Iruka glared. "That doesn't mean you had any right to do it, baka. It's going to take a lot of comforting on my part to get him to leave the house now."

Kakashi took a deep breath, preparing himself to apologise properly, his nostrils sucking up a scent he was – regrettably – all too familiar with. "Are you burning the miso soup?"

Iruka's eyes widened and he spun around quickly, but not quite fast enough. "Shit!" He pulled the pot off the element and stared at the soup as if willing it to go back to a normal texture and colour. "I didn't even know it was possible to burn soup."

Kakashi scratched the back of his head self-consciously and decided it was probably best not to mention that burning soup was something he did on a near regular basis. "Yeah, well, you learn something new every day."

"Hn." Iruka huffed, glared at the pot, and then set it down on one of the elements he hadn't been using. "Well, I suppose we'll be having ramen for dinner."

"I don't have a problem with that," Kakashi said easily. "Ichiraku do take-out, right?"

"Mmhmm." Iruka brushed past him and picked up a phone from his living room floor, already dialing the number. "You're hoping to bypass Naruto if we eat it here, right? You should know that if he's there when Teuchi receives our order that sly old man will give it to him to deliver it."

"Well, you're not obligated to let him in the door."

Iruka sent him a half-hearted glare. "I'm not going to turn him away if he's so desperate for company that he wants to spend the evening with _you_."

"That's harsh, Sensei," Kakashi returned. "You can't really say that though, because _you're_ willing to spend the evening with me."

Iruka grinned devilishly at him. "Well, maybe I have ulterior motives?"

Kakashi raised an eyebrow, surprised – not for the first time – at just how easy and entertaining it was to talk to Iruka. The chūnin gave as good as he got. And cheeky Iruka was _cute._ "And pray tell me, what would those be?"

Iruka glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, tapped his nose secretively and smiled before turning his attention to the phone in his hand. "No, it's no problem. I know how busy you are at this time of night."

Kakashi found his eyes drifting down to the chūnin's stomach again as his attention was diverted, imagining the flat plane distorted out into a baby bump. Inwardly he shook his head, screwing up his nose. It really was too weird. Especially – his gaze drifted lower – especially because of the decidedly _male_ equipment Iruka was carrying. He had nothing against pregnant women, but if you're going to have the belly you need to have the breasts. And preferably not a cock-and-balls set.

Iruka glared at him, pointing two fingers at his own eyes and then at Kakashi's. _I'm watching you._ "No, he's really not that bad. A little strange, but at least it's entertaining I guess."

"Maa, are you complaining about me already?" Kakashi drawled, feigning hurt.

Iruka rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue. "Yes, I'll have pork. Mm, I don't know. Kakashi, what do you want?"

"Whatever you're having." Kakashi grinned to himself. _Such a childish reaction. He must spend way too much time around children. _He stopped grinning when a sudden thought struck him. _Will I become like that if I have a child? Oh Gods no. Gai would be so happy for me that he'd become insufferable. Well, more so than he already is._

Iruka had put down the phone and was staring at him in a concerned manner. "Are you alright? You look a little… troubled."

"Maa, it's nothing." Kakashi swept his eye up into a happy half circle.

Iruka frowned, obviously not buying his 'smile', but chose to ignore it. "You're in luck. Naruto was not having ramen, so he won't be showing up here with our food."

Kakashi smiled sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head. "I don't _hate_ him, you know. I'd just rather not see him when it's not required."

Iruka raised an eyebrow but didn't comment, instead opting to slip back into the kitchen to grab a couple of bottles of beer, one of which he thrust into Kakashi's hand.

Kakashi stared at it dubiously. "Are you planning on getting me drunk?"

Iruka grinned wickedly, showing his teeth. "Not at all, Kakashi-_sensei._ I was just thinking, you want to know things about me, right?"

Kakashi nodded slowly, uneasy about where this was going.

"Well, I was originally planning on just telling you anything you wanted to know. But now I'm starting to think that's a little unfair, and particularly since you've singlehandedly managed to traumatize Izumo –"

"I didn't _traumatize _him," Kakashi cut in.

"Whatever." Iruka waved a hand in his face dismissively. "You did upset him though, and as I was saying I don't think it's fair that you get to find out whatever you want about me when I know next to nothing about you. That, and I really do want to know more about you and I don't think you will voluntarily tell me anything. So lets play a game, ne?"

Kakashi frowned. "I don't like games."

Iruka shrugged. "It's not a hard game. You can start, even."

Kakashi stared at the beer in his hand and then at Iruka, wondering what the hell he was getting himself into. "How do you play?" Iruka beamed at him and he added quickly, "That wasn't an agreement to take part in your game."

"For starters, lets not stay in the kitchen." Iruka pointed to his couch. "Sit, be comfortable."

Feeling like he was sinking deeper and deeper into a mess he wasn't going to be able to escape from, Kakashi did as he was bid, perching on the very edge of the sofa. Iruka bounced over to sit at the other end, watching him carefully. He popped the cap off his bottle and took a long swig. "It basically goes, you ask a question and then I ask a question. Any question you want. If you feel uncomfortable answering anything then you can ask your question of me, something you think that's of a similar level of secrecy, and if I don't want to answer we just skip it." Iruka scrunched up his nose. "I don't think I explained that very well."

"I get it," Kakashi said shortly. _I get it and I don't like it. Stop looking at me like that. I shouldn't have to do this. I can find out anything I want about you if I search through your records._

Iruka frowned, almost as if he were reading his mind. "I'm not going to force you to do this, but it would mean a lot to me if you did. I understand it's probably in your nature to sneak around and dig for information, but I'd rather you didn't do it behind my back. I don't intend to hide anything from you but I want to know you a bit more before you find out everything, okay?"

Kakashi sighed and rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand. _I really really _really_ can't ask him to have a child for me. I'd be taking advantage of the fact that's he's a good guy. He could get mad at me for intending to steal all his medical and work information but he only got mad because I upset his friend. I probably should open up to him, at least a little. Besides, I really want to know what the deal with the blindfold is. _"When is your birthday?" he asked bluntly.

He didn't particularly care for birthdays and never celebrated his own, but he needed an innocent question to start off with. He was all too aware that if he asked something difficult he'd get something difficult in return.

Iruka looked surprised and then pleased at the question. "May 26th. What is you favourite scent?"

"Scent?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow at the odd question. "Miso soup when it's cooking." He smirked. "But not if it's burning."

Iruka wrinkled his nose. "I don't usually burn it, you know. You just distracted me. And answer seriously."

"How do you know I'm not being serious?" _Sheesh, he's not going to let me get away with answering the first thing that comes to mind, is he? _"I like miso. Anyway, your favourite food?"

"Ramen, of course." Iruka grinned. "Has anyone ever given you a nickname?"

"Yes," Kakashi answered shortly.

Iruka waited for elaboration but didn't get any. "Come on, what was it and who gave it to you?"

"That's another two questions," Kakashi pointed out. "You only get one."

"It's the same question." Iruka pouted. "Tell me."

Kakashi scratched awkwardly at the back of his neck. He could feel his cheeks heating up and was eternally grateful for his mask. "My sensei and his partner used to call me Kashi-kun."

"That's so cute!" Iruka looked on the verge of saying something else but stopped at the glare Kakashi was sending him.

"You do not get to call me that. Ever."

"Eh, I get it." Iruka shook his head. "It's such a waste, though."

"Describe how you see yourself in one word."

Iruka rolled his eyes at Kakashi's serious face and leaned back against the side of the couch, thinking. "How do I see myself? I honestly don't know." He gulped the rest of his beer while staring at Kakashi's still unopened bottle. "Resilient, maybe?"

"You think you're strong?"

"Hm, not necessarily. I meant it more in the way that I try not to let things get me down, and I learn from my mistakes and use them to make myself mentally stronger, if not physically." Iruka sat his empty bottle down on the table and glanced back to Kakashi. "Your question: how do _you_ see me, one word?"

Kakashi blinked at him, unsure how to answer. His first thought had been _confusing_, but Iruka was so much more than that. _Smoking hot _probably wouldn't please him either, and it was two words. _Cute_ definitely wouldn't go down well, and besides, it wasn't always true. "Refreshing?" he said hesitantly.

Iruka cocked his head to one side, blinking, and Kakashi wondered if he should have gone with _cute_ after all. "What do you mean by that?"

Kakashi shrugged and ran his finger around the top of his bottle. "You're different, somehow, from most shinobi. You react so honestly to everything and don't try to hide yourself. It's refreshing, though sometimes it can be frightening."

"I scare you?" Iruka cracked a smile. "I'm glad you've decided to start being honest, at least."

Kakashi ground his teeth together. He hadn't meant to say that, it had just come out. The stupid chūnin was messing with his speech filter again, somehow. "Why did you decide to become a teacher?" he cut out, unwilling to dwell on the fact that he'd stopped lying and was actually considering his answers to these stupid questions.

Iruka lost his smile, his face becoming pensive. "Ah, that. 'Zuki wanted me to be in the village all the time, with him, and he kind of conned me into taking the test. At that point I would have done anything he asked of me anyway." Kakashi's ears perked up at that and Iruka laughed softly. "That's what you were waiting to hear, right? All you're really interested in is my relationship with Mizuki."

"Not really." Kakashi surprised himself by realizing that his words weren't a lie; he actually did think it was interesting to talk to Iruka in this way. That said, he was still unhealthily interested in what had gone down between the dark-haired chūnin and the silver-haired psychopath.

"That's good then." Iruka smiled softly down at his hands. "Because I don't think I'm ready to talk about that yet."

Kakashi didn't know what to say to that so he said nothing, until eventually Iruka spoke again. "When you were very small, what was your favourite toy?"

"Toy?" Kakashi scratched at the back of his head. "I don't remember ever having any toys. I did have a set of old kunai my father gave me to train with that I was fairly attached too, but I'm guessing that's not what you mean."

"How old were you?"

"Four or so? I threw them out when I was eight, though."

"If you treasured them so much, why would you throw them out?" Iruka asked, without thinking.

"You've already asked your question," Kakashi replied bluntly. "If you weren't a teacher or a shinobi, what would you want to be?"

"Oh. I'm not sure." Iruka thought about it for a while. "I know I said 'Zuki forced me to become a teacher, but I actually really enjoy it. I should probably be thanking him for sending me down this path. I guess it's kind of boring, but if I weren't a shinobi I'd still want to be a teacher. Either that or work in an orphanage or something."

"Ever the altruist, aren't you?" Kakashi said, raising an eyebrow.

"Not really." Iruka shrugged. "It's just that in this village there are so many unfortunate children because of this volatile shinobi lifestyle. I've seen kids lose parents or siblings and lose all their drive, either dropping out or refusing to learn. I know what it's like to be suddenly all alone in the world, and I know that that feeling of loneliness makes it easy for people to drag you down the wrong path. Kids need to feel loved to grow. Having just one person there for you can make all the difference."

"And that's why you befriended Naruto, right?" Kakashi could understand the desire to help others, though he'd never managed to do it himself. He remembered losing his loved ones one by one, and wondered if, had he had just one more person who cared for him, would he have turned out different? _Probably not. I wasn't raised the way Iruka was. I wouldn't have let anyone in anyway._

Iruka grinned and tapped his nose secretively. "You already asked your question," he teased, quoting Kakashi, "Though you probably already know the answer to that one anyway. What do you consider to be the most valuable thing you own?"

Kakashi was about to say _I don't really care too much for material possessions_ when he realized he knew exactly what his most valuable item was. "This," he said, tugging off his hitai-ate and pointing to his left eye. "It was a gift," he said by way of explanation, before realizing that he'd already told Iruka how he'd acquired the sharingan.

"Well, Obito-san sure made it difficult for anyone else to get you a present you'll be impressed with," Iruka joked lightly.

Kakashi jolted, shocked at hearing that name coming out of that mouth, and said the first thing that came into his head. "It's not a problem, because nobody gives me presents anyway."

"Ah. Well, I plan on changing that. I hope you don't mind," Iruka replied, seeming to take that fact that Kakashi was totally ineloquent and unloved in his stride.

"Hn." Kakashi didn't know whether he was pleased or frightened by that. He didn't really want people paying attention to him and forcing gifts on him. But if it was only Iruka – maybe he could be a little pleased by that. "If you got a tattoo, what would it be, and where would you get it?"

"Oh, I have a tattoo already," Iruka said easily, and smirked when Kakashi's eyes widened. "What, you didn't see it?"

"Where?" Kakashi demanded.

"Wouldn't you like to know," Iruka shot back, and Kakashi growled.

"I'll find it," he threatened.

"What are you going to do, strip me?" He lost his grin when Kakashi leaned forward, the manic glint in his eye showing that he intended to do just that. He held up his hands in defense. "Wait, wait, I'll show you. Here."

Slowly, Iruka unfolded his legs and stretched them out so his feet were resting on Kakashi's lap. Kakashi stared at him blankly. Iruka prodded him with his right foot.

Kakashi twisted his head to the side and frowned, poking Iruka's heel with his finger. He lifted up the other foot. "Where's the _ja_?"

Iruka kicked him. "Nowhere. Why would I get my job tattooed on my body?"

"I don't know." Kakashi shrugged. "But I don't know why you'd get a tattoo in a place no one will ever see it, either."

"I got it for myself, not for anyone else. Nobody needs to see it so long as I know it is there."

Kakashi picked up Iruka's right foot again and rubbed the pad of his thumb over the tattoo, a thickly drawn stamp of the character _nin _on the bottom of the chūnin's heel. Iruka squirmed. "Why _nin, _then?"

"I told you I was resilient, didn't I?" Iruka dug his other foot into the couch underneath Kakashi's thigh. "Well, sometimes I need reminding."

"Hn." If he thought about it it did seem a rather fitting tattoo, and Kakashi wondered if there were any deeper meaning behind it. Given the type of person Iruka was, he must have thought for a long time before getting inked. "When did you get it done?"

"After Mizuki tried to kill me," Iruka said flatly, using a voice that signaled that this topic was no longer available to talk about. "It was possibly the lowest point in my life."

Kakashi deliberately chose not to heed the warning. "What does this mean to you then? Courage and perseverance under great pressure?"

Iruka kicked him again, this time hard enough to bruise and dangerously close to his balls. "Are you seriously that incapable of reading people? You never seem to pick up clues of when it's okay to keep going and when you should just shut your big mouth."

Kakashi shrugged. "I just want to see how far I can push you."

Iruka sighed. "Well, if it gets to the point where I'm throwing things at you just know that the next step is getting kicked out of my house. And once you're out you don't get to come back in."

"Good to know." He didn't have any real reasons to explain why he was being such a brat, except that Iruka intrigued him. He wondered what exactly it would take to push him right over the edge. _Does that make me a bad person?_

"It's basically just a symbol to tell me to keep on going," Iruka said, figuring that the easiest way out was just to tell Kakashi what he wanted to hear. "And could you stop that? It kind of tickles."

Kakashi glanced down to realize he'd been absentmindedly rubbing circles on Iruka's foot. He looked back up at Iruka and then rubbed harder, experimentally.

Iruka squirmed violently. "Stop it."

Kakashi grinned and rubbed some more, brushing his fingertips over the sole of Iruka's foot and settling his weight down harder on his other leg so he couldn't pull away. Iruka turned red, shivering uncontrollably, and tried to pull his foot away. Kakashi gripped it harder.

Iruka exploded. "'Zuki, _stop!_"

Kakashi let him go instantly and shuffled closer to the Iruka-less end of the couch. Iruka drew his knees into his chest and wrapped his arms around them protectively, his face ashen and his eyes downcast. "Don't tickle me," he whispered softly.

_Well, _that's_ how far you can push him, _Kakashi told himself wryly, his eyes on his own knees and his fingers knotting together. _I guess you're happy now. _

"I'm sorry," Iruka added, though Kakashi was hard-pressed to tell how sincere he was being. "I shouldn't have – but you shouldn't have – please don't do it again." He seemed to be pretty shaken about the slip, much more so than Kakashi was.

"Did you call me that because I remind you of him?" Kakashi asked. He wanted to be careful but any topic involving the silver-haired nutcase was a minefield anyway, and he really wanted answers.

"No." From the way Iruka was squeezing his knees Kakashi figured he'd have little lines of circular bruises there tomorrow. "You're not – like him. If you were I wouldn't have come near you in the first place."

"But you didn't know me very well in the beginning," Kakashi pointed out. "Is it that once you got to know me a little more you thought –"

"_No,_" Iruka broke in. "I already told you, no. If you were him you wouldn't have stopped. I only had to ask you three times."

_Three times. _Kakashi felt a little guilty about that. He had just been teasing, but still. "I won't do it again."

Iruka sighed and rubbed his temples so harshly that Kakashi wanted to reach out and pull his hands away. Fortunately, he had the presence of mind not to. "I know. It's not that it's that big of a deal, really. I just get uneasy when someone traps me like that. You make me nervous enough already, and that you wouldn't stop…" He laughed self-depreciatingly, scratching at his scar. "I didn't think, I just reacted."

Kakashi stared at his knees. He wasn't sure that he even wanted to know what could have happened to make the usually self-assured chūnin panic so much over a little bit of teasing. "It's not something you should be embarrassed about, you know," he said quietly. "Everyone's scared of something, and as shinobi most of us have good reason to be scared. You don't have to pretend to be strong all the time."

Iruka barked a laugh. "That's a bit rough coming from you, isn't it? You're the king of 'hiding my feelings so everyone just thinks I'm a lazy pervert'."

"Maybe." Kakashi shrugged lightly and laced his fingers together. "But hiding behind a smile is just as bad, is it not?"

Iruka just shook his head and pointed to the still unopened bottle between Kakashi's knees. "May I have that? I think I need it."

Kakashi handed the beer over without complaint, and watched dubiously as Iruka downed half the bottle in one long draught. "Are you planning on getting drunk?"

Iruka chuckled. "On two beers? No. In any case, I don't particularly like losing control of my actions so I usually try to avoid it. I just thought a little liquid courage would be nice."

"You're pretty cute when you're drunk though," Kakashi said without thinking, and then snapped his mouth shut.

Iruka frowned. "When did you – oh. Goddamn that Tsunade-sama."

"You threw up down the side of the casino," Kakashi reminded helpfully.

Iruka scowled. "Oh, I bet that was pretty cute, too, huh?"

"Well, those stupid puppies you're so fond of thought that I'd drugged you in order to have my way with you," Kakashi said wryly, "So they must have thought you looked alright."

Iruka snorted and then flashed him a weak smile. "Thanks."

"For what?" Kakashi asked.

"For taking my mind off things. You're pretty nice when you want to be."

Kakashi shrugged. He had no idea what Iruka was talking about but he was not above taking a misguided compliment, particularly if it meant that his clumsy conversation skills had led to something positive.

"Do I still get a question?" Iruka asked abruptly, his gaze piercing. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to, though."

Kakashi was tempted to tell him that 'do I still get a question' technically _was_ a question, but decided that that sort of childish humour would not be appreciated in this conversation. "Go ahead." He resisted the urge to tug at his mask, sure that his face would be what the question revolved around.

"Well," Iruka dropped his gaze, "You said before that shinobi all have things they're scared about, right? What are you scared of?"

Kakashi stared at him blankly. _Does he really expect me to answer that?_

Iruka paused before speaking again. "You don't have to answer. I didn't really expect you to. It's just – I can't imagine that you're scared of anything. Sometimes I physically push myself to work harder just so I don't have the time to feel afraid. I don't _feel _strong."

"I think we've already been over this," Kakashi said flatly, "But the thing I am most afraid of right now is getting close to you."

Iruka's fingers tightened around his knees. "Then why are you here? Why do you come back?" he whispered. "You're so hard to understand."

"Because as hard as it is to let someone in, it's harder to stay away," Kakashi admitted. "And everything inside me is telling me you'll be good for me, if I let you. You're stronger than you think."

Iruka shoved the tip of his index finger in his mouth and bit down, eyes wide and staring at Kakashi. Kakashi figured he didn't even know he was doing it.

He sighed heavily and twitched his fingers in the chūnin's direction. "Come here." He wasn't completely comfortable with instigating unnecessary human contact, but he was more uncomfortable watching Iruka try to scrunch himself up into the smallest human ball ever.

Iruka immediately scooted across the couch and plonked himself down on his lap, his nose inches from Kakashi's. Kakashi blinked. "Well, I didn't expect that." He gave the chūnin an awkward pat on the back, wondering what exactly was expected when one was supposed to comfort one's lover. "Everything will be okay?"

Iruka laughed so hard he fell over backwards, ending up on the floor between Kakashi's feet. Kakashi looked down at him, concerned and confused. _Has he finally snapped…?_

"Ow." Iruka rubbed his tailbone fiercely before sitting up and resting his elbows on Kakashi's knees. Kakashi resisted the urge to push him away. "I know it's mean to laugh when you're just trying to be nice, but you're so adorably awkward."

Kakashi just blinked, mouthing the word _adorable_ to himself silently. He'd definitely never been called _that_ before. "Is this some sort of a joke to you?"

"No!" Iruka sobered quickly, holding up his hands in defense. "I do have a problem with fear, but for the most part I'm able to control it. It's just when it's provoked by an outside source – like what you did – that I have more difficulty. And I'm genuinely pleased that you're willing to try staying with me even though it scares the pants off you. I respect that. It's just that sometimes, you're too cute for words."

"Uhuh." Kakashi couldn't see how anyone could picture him – the famed Copy Nin, ex-ANBU captain and master assassin – as _cute_, but if it meant Iruka was unafraid of him then so be it.

"I'm sorry. I guess I just insulted your manliness." Iruka grinned up at him, looking anything but sorry. "I'm glad we had this talk, really. Sometimes the questions you ask can say as much about you as what you answer." He ended the sentence on a yawn. "And I'm probably nearly as lost when it comes to relationships as you are, considering my history. You're not alone in being unsure about this."

"Thanks, I guess?" Kakashi prodded Iruka's cheek with a tentative finger. The chūnin looked just about ready to fall asleep against his knee. "You should probably go to bed."

"Mmm." Iruka rubbed his face against the inside of Kakashi's calf, cat-like. "Will you sleep with me?"

"Sleep?" Kakashi's hand hovered inches above Iruka's head. He had been about to ruffle his hair, his tired mind thinking he _was_ a cat, but stopped himself just in time.

"Mn, not sex." Iruka poked his kneecap. "I don't think I could handle being blindfolded at this point. Just sleep beside me, okay? I know you don't usually do that but if this relationship is going to continue I'd like you to at least _try_ to get used to it."

"Oh." Kakashi thought about the pros and cons, and eventually placed his hand on the top of Iruka's head anyway. The chūnin radiated heat, and Kakashi figured that this must be the main reason people had the weird fascination with sharing a bed – free human-sized hot water bottles. "Okay."

Iruka seemed surprised at his answer, and Kakashi squeezed his head gently. "Did you expect me to say no?"

"Well, yes." Iruka rubbed at his scar awkwardly. "You always run away when you're pushed out of your depth and I know that you're not comfortable sharing a bed."

Kakashi shrugged. "You're not the only one who wants to try and make this thing work."

**o0o**

Kakashi stared at the massive scar carved into Iruka's back, dangerously close to his spine. The chūnin had put on the ratty-looking dolphin pajama pants he'd worn through the whole competition but refused to wear a shirt to bed, claiming that all his sleep shirts were dirty. Kakashi was still trying to figure out whether this was a good thing or a bad thing.

As soon as he'd climbed into bed Iruka had rolled away from him, only stopping to comment sleepily that Ichiraku had never brought them food after all (he didn't seem at all surprised by this, so Kakashi figured it happened often) before closing his eyes and falling promptly asleep.

Kakashi was amazed at the show of trust, and figured that the whole act of turning away from him and keeping very clearly to one side of the bed was for his own benefit. _Do I really deserve that much trust? _he asked himself, and then abruptly stopped thinking about it because his own answer to that was a resounding _no._ Instead, he stared blankly at the ceiling and let his mind drift onto more important matters. _How on earth am I supposed to ask him if he would like to become a mother?_

**o0o**

_That took way longer than it should have to write, and is incredibly sub-par._

_-.- A few notes:_

_- When Kakashi says that having a retarded baby is pointless he doesn't mean that children who are mentally handicapped don't deserve to live. The reason that this child is being planned is simply because everyone believes it will be a prodigy; if it is anything less than that the Elders will see it as a waste of time and Kakashi may as well have just stayed childless. It still sounds nasty like that, but hopefully you can see his reasoning. He's not being nasty; he's being practical._

_- The Japanese character 'nin', other than being half of the word 'ninja', stands for patience, perseverance and stealth. The character itself is made up of two kanji; 'toh' meaning sword, over 'shin' meaning heart. It represents the idea of courage and perseverance under great pressure._

_- If you were reading Hound's Release, it got deleted. I'm sorry. Blame Miss Nasty-Pants Spoilsport, whoever reported it. I am in the process of uploading it to my (barely used) deviantart under the username __**Rachism **__if you really want to keep/start reading it._


	5. Chapter 5

Iruka forced down the disappointment rising like bile in his throat, reminding himself that he had no reason to be upset. Somewhere in his mind he'd figured that Kakashi would be gone when he awoke, but he hadn't figured on just how much having his expectation verified would hurt. At the very least the jōnin had stayed in his bed until he'd fallen asleep, and that was an improvement, right?

He chuckled to himself wryly, shaking his head before flopping back down onto the bed. Kakashi just needed to be trained, that was all. _If I think of him as a skittish cat and tackle his eccentricity as a challenge then it wont be so bad. Just keep positive, Iruka. _Iruka smiled to himself. It wasn't hard picturing Kakashi as a cat, and the feline that came to mind was a slick and haughty panther, sitting just out of his reach with his nose in the air. Feeling vindictive, Iruka shoved Kakashi-panther off the wall he was sitting on. _Ha. _Kakashi-panther eyed him disdainfully. _What? It's my mind. I can do whatever I want to you. _Mind-Iruka stuck out his tongue, and Real-Iruka slapped a hand across his eyes, groaning. "Gods, Umino, you really are going crazy."

"Maa, Crazy-san, how do you like your eggs?"

Iruka scowled, and peeked out at Kakashi from between his fingers. "You have the worst timing, you know that? I swear you do everything in your power to catch me at my craziest and make me feel inferior to you."

Kakashi grinned broadly, scrunching his eye up into a cheerful half-moon. "You're always crazy," he responded brightly. "Now, sunny-side up? Hard-boiled? Soft-boiled? Scrambled?"

"Just leave me alone." Iruka growled and halfheartedly threw a pillow across the room, feeling slightly miffed when Kakashi simply caught it one-handed.

Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow. "I always pictured you as a morning person, Sensei."

"I _am _a morning person, I just don't – wait, did you say eggs?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Over-easy?"

"Where did you get eggs from? I know I don't have any in my kitchen," Iruka demanded.

A guilty expression flickered across Kakashi's face. "Maa, poached?"

Iruka scowled. "Kakashi-san."

"Well, there was this little leprechaun crying outside the window and he wanted me to help him paint his budgie purple and…" Kakashi trailed off at Iruka's hard look.

"You stole them," Iruka translated flatly.

"Ah." Kakashi scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "I will replace them. Eventually."

"You mean, you'll replace them _right_ _now_?"

Despite the fact that it was more of an order than a suggestion, Kakashi foolishly decided not to back down. "No. I'm making you breakfast in bed first."

"Aside from the fact that you obviously _stole _this breakfast, what makes you think I want to eat breakfast in bed? I don't eat in this room. I don't want crumbs in my bed."

Kakashi's eye narrowed. "This is supposed to be _romantic_. You know what, you are just going to sit there and _take the romance_. You are going to sit there and eat whatever I feed you and say, 'thank you Kakashi, that was lovely'. So don't you _dare_ move." With that, he turned on his heel and swept out of the room, pulling the door shut a little too harshly behind him.

Iruka blinked after him. _What the hell just happened? Kakashi? Romance? _He shook his head and scrunched up his face, thinking hard. _He… he did say he wanted to try and make this thing work, last night. As far as I know, he's never gotten close to anyone before. This must be his idea of what a relationship is supposed to be like. _Iruka snorted, trying very hard not to laugh in the knowledge that Kakashi – with his supersonic hearing – would be listening. _Oh Kami, I've really got my work cut out for me if all of his notions of love come from Icha Icha._

"Oh, you are too cute," he said under his breath, suddenly glad that Kakashi hadn't gone the extra mile and tried to serve him breakfast wearing nothing but an apron. _Although the only reason for that is probably because I don't own an apron, _he thought, unable to stop himself from grinning.

Iruka tipped his head back against the headboard, wondering whether it was best just to stay put as Kakashi had ordered him to do or get up and tell him not to bother. _He'll probably tie me to the bed and force feed me if I object,_ he thought dryly. It wasn't like he truly objected to having breakfast in bed; when he actually considered it, the thought was incredibly sweet. What he did object to was being treated like a woman, or an Icha Icha Heroine, which was probably closer to what Kakashi was thinking about. He was a practical man at heart, and he had absolutely no intention of becoming Kakashi's fairy princess, no matter how smoking hot the man was.

He'd almost drifted back off to sleep when Kakashi returned, his one grey eye stormy and his mouth a hard, defiant line under the mask. "For you," the jōnin said stiffly, all but tipping the tray he was carrying onto Iruka's lap.

Iruka stared at the tray wordlessly. He _thought_ it was some sort of omelette, but it may have been scrambled eggs. In any case, whatever it was was scooped up to resemble a sort of lopsided smiley face, decorated with extremely black soldier-toast hair. He looked up again to question where the rose on the side had been stolen from but stopped himself before the words had even left his mouth. Kakashi was _fidgeting._ Well, he had his hands clasped tightly behind his back in order to stop them from moving and what was visible of his face seemed strained, which was close enough to fidgeting for Kakashi.

_He's nervous, _Iruka realized, amazed. _He actually does care how I react to this. _He smiled happily. _Cute. _"It's very, ah, unique, Kakashi."

Kakashi narrowed his eyes. "That's a word people use when they don't like something but they also don't want to offend the person who's given it to them."

Iruka chuckled. "If it makes you feel any better, I can honestly say this is the best breakfast in bed I've ever been given. And it makes me happy that you wanted to do this for me, even if you did raid my neighbour's pantry and garden to do it."

Kakashi didn't look very convinced. "It's the _only_ breakfast in bed you've been given, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah." Iruka prodded the egg experimentally with a fork and flinched a little when the fork bounced right back. "But you can take that to mean you're the only one who has cared enough about me to want to do this for me. And that means more to me than your… somewhat lacking culinary skills. Even if you are rather forceful about it."

Kakashi was frowning again. _Oops. _Obviously he hadn't been as careful with his words as he'd thought. "I really do appreciate it, Kakashi." He jabbed the egg harder this time, and managed to successfully maneuver it to his mouth. It was a bit like chewing rubber, but as far as rubber went it didn't taste too bad.

"You don't actually have to eat that if you don't want to, you know," Kakashi said shortly, whisking the tray away and disappearing back out the door, pulling it shut firmly behind him.

Iruka blinked after him. "Well, I guess it'd be hard to take criticism if you'd been labeled a genius all your life. Idiot. No one has to be good at everything," he muttered to himself. He sighed. _I guess I better go and fix this._

He slipped on a shirt before quietly opening the door and wandering down the hall, pausing when he head voices.

"You told me this would work." _Kakashi's voice. He sounds angry, _Iruka mused.

"Yeah, well it would have, if you knew how to cook and be civil." A bored-sounding, sarcastic voice. _Pakkun? _"I never said you should cook it yourself. There's a reason I ask you to give me my meat raw." _Definitely Pakkun._

"I wanted to do it myself," Kakashi replied defiantly. "It means more that way."

"It doesn't mean anything if you poison him with your terrible cooking skills," Pakkun shot back. "I can't believe you actually gave that to him."

"You told me to."

"It was a _joke._ I never thought you'd do it."

"Excuse me, Pakkun?" Iruka interrupted, stepping into the kitchen, "May I speak to Kakashi?"

"Go ahead." Pakkun nodded to Kakashi and stayed where he was, perched on the kitchen bench.

"I mean, would you be able to leave us for a little while?" Iruka said, giving the pug an apologetic smile.

Pakkun stared hard at Kakashi. "I suppose I could," he said slowly, before disappearing with a loud _pop_.

"I wasn't intending to poison you," Kakashi said awkwardly, as soon as his ninken was gone.

Iruka shrugged. "I actually – I'm really touched that you wanted to try and do something like that for me."

Kakashi looked doubtful. "You were angry."

"Well, yeah." Iruka scratched at his nose, unsure of how to continue. "I mean, you stole someone else's food and flowers in order to make me a breakfast I didn't want. Of course I'd be unhappy with you. But your reasons are sweet, so I'll let you off. Just don't cook without my supervision again, okay?"

Kakashi stared at the ceiling. Iruka sighed. "Anything I say is just going to upset you, right? So lets just forget about this and start with a clean slate."

"I'm not upset," Kakashi muttered darkly, folding his arms tightly across his chest.

Iruka's lips quirked up at the corners. "I know, I know. You're never upset, hmm?" He shook his head and did his best to change the subject. "So what are you planning on doing today?"

"I… don't know." Kakashi scratched his head awkwardly. "Tsunade-sama's still not giving me missions, something about a 'honeymoon period'." He wrinkled his nose, showing exactly what he thought about that idea. "I haven't had this much spare time in a long while." _Ever,_ his brain corrected, and he scowled inwardly.

"Well, what have you been doing for the last few days?" Iruka asked, and then almost hit himself. _He really won't answer that._

Kakashi shrugged. "Thinking."

"Oh. Do you want to spar for a bit?" Iruka asked, before backtracking quickly when Kakashi looked at him strangely. "I just thought – since you're bored and all – and you can't go on missions –" he scratched his nose, embarrassed, "I guess I'm just not that much of a match for you, am I?" he ended sheepishly. He could probably hold his own against Kakashi for a little while if the fight were purely hand-to-hand combat because Kakashi tended to be more of a long-range fighter, but it _had_ been a long time since he'd had any experience outside of the classroom.

Kakashi appraised him for a long time before saying slowly, "Perhaps."

Iruka raised an eyebrow. "You either do or you don't. I have other things to do, if you're not interested." It felt like Kakashi was judging him as too weak to even bother with, and it hurt in a way Iruka didn't even want to contemplate.

"Yes, then, I do."

Iruka startled, not having expected an affirmative, and Kakashi chuckled. "Does it surprise you that much? I'm interested in you, and I'd like to know how you move. Fighting style tells you a lot about a person." _And I'll do anything to put off asking you that question._

"Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

"I was concerned that Naruto would try attacking me if I accidentally hurt you," Kakashi said, shrugging. "But then I realized that it'd be like getting two workouts for the price of one, which is fine. His precision goes downhill when he's angry, anyway, and he needs to work on that."

Iruka rolled his eyes. "Only you would think about that."

**o0o**

Kakashi hunkered down on a branch, thoughts flying a mile a minute. Iruka had said, 'I'm not going to go easy on you' which had confused him until they'd actually started to spar, at which point he'd realized that that translated to 'I'm giving up on textbook formation and I fight like a dirty street rat'. He hadn't actually had time to think, because Iruka fought tooth and nail right in his face leaving him no room for anything but reactions, and he had to fight hard to tamp those down from 'fatal' to 'incapacitating'.

Said chūnin was currently standing in the middle of the training grounds with a dirty glare on his face which plainly read 'you cheated, you filthy bastard'. Which, he had to admit, was true. He'd used a jutsu, if only to get out of there to have a little space to think. There was a reason he usually sent a clone forward first to test out an enemy.

He had to wonder whether the ferocity behind Iruka's attacks was a usual thing or whether the chūnin was just mad at him and treating this as an exercise to get out all his anger. Iruka hadn't seemed _too_ mad about the failed breakfast – in fact, in the end it had seemed more along the lines of him simply pitying Kakashi for his inability to cook (_cocky bastard,_ his mind growled, _laughing at me_), but then the chūnin's reactions to everything were so vivid and varied he didn't always know how to figure out what was going on in his head.

Iruka looked as if he were about to start ripping up trees in order to find him, so he created a clone to send down and buy himself some time. "Maa, you fight like a street rat, Sensei," the clone said from a safe distance, and Kakashi almost wanted to hit himself for giving it too much free reign. He hadn't intended for it to say what he was thinking, because he didn't really want to deal with an actual angry Iruka.

To his surprise, the chūnin just grinned, tipping his head back. "_Maa,_ Kakashi, but I am a street rat. When I was younger I probably spent more time on the street in a gang of one than I did in the classroom." He spread his arms wide in challenge. "Does it make this hard for you?"

Thankfully, his clone didn't bite. Instead it stood its ground and narrowed its eye contemplatively. "Do you teach your students to fight like this?"

Iruka huffed, and folded his arms across his chest defensively. "Of course not. Are you suggesting that I don't have proper shinobi taijutsu skills?"

The clone shrugged, and Kakashi leaned forward, interested to see how it would reply. That question was a trap, if ever he saw one. "I just wondered why you'd choose to fight me this way, that's all. Shinobi movements save a lot more energy."

"Maybe, but you're a lot more used to them." Iruka shrugged back. "I assume you fight more high level shinobi than you do street rats, and the only opening I have in a fight against you is to put you off guard and make you work to find your footing. And it worked, right? That's why you're being such a coward and were hiding for too long."

There was something sneaky about that smile. Kakashi shuffled closer to the end of his branch.

"Pure taijutsu from now on though, right?" Kakashi's clone asked.

"What, you want to assess me?" Iruka raised his eyebrows. "I guess so, if it has to be on your terms."

Kakashi fell off his branch. Or rather, he was kicked off it. Twisting his body to land on his feet, knees bent to soften the landing, he cursed himself for not concentrating on his surroundings properly. "Maa, you cheated," he complained halfheartedly.

Iruka grinned at him from his perch in what had been Kakashi's tree. "You cheated first, and you cheated twice," he said, cocking his head towards the clearing where the other version of him was still arguing with Kakashi's clone.

"Fair enough." Kakashi was surprised to find that even concentrating he couldn't actually tell which Iruka was real and which was a clone. His chakra shimmered like quicksand, seemingly flowing between the two. "You didn't give half of your chakra to a clone, did you?" He had to ask, even though he didn't think that Iruka would do something that stupid.

Iruka kept grinning at him. "And by that you mean you don't know which one of me is real, right?"

"You're avoiding the question."

"Do you always answer your opponents questions whilst you're fighting them?" Iruka asked, and Kakashi had to concede that he had actually almost forgotten they were supposed to be doing battle. He'd been too interested in the street fighting conversation.

"Should we start again then?" Kakashi asked.

"No need." Iruka smiled that deceptive smile, and then suddenly both Iruka's were on top of him.

_Shit. I really do need to concentrate. _Kakashi dismissed his clone, deeming it useless – hell, he always found it better when he could just hit everyone in sight and not have to worry about accidentally offing an ally – and managed to steal himself some distance with a carefully placed jab in the ribs and a foot round the back of an ankle.

"I guess this should go back to one on one," one Iruka muttered, and the other disappeared with a loud _pop_.

Kakashi smirked. "Bring it on."

**o0o**

Iruka's skills in reading his opponent and complete mastery of basic form made him quite the challenger, and Kakashi was surprised to find himself breathing hard after their match, his hand at Iruka's throat. His level was far above that of an average chūnin, but perhaps less than what was expected of someone his age. Despite being a regular firecracker in everyday life, he was surprisingly good at keeping levelheaded during a battle, and Kakashi expected that despite his overly emotional nature he'd be a great asset on a mission.

Iruka laughed breathlessly, sweat beading down his forehead, brown eyes glinting in the sunlight. "That was… fun," he wheezed, "Though I'm kind of glad I won't be teaching for a while. I think you've tattooed bruises all over my body."

"Well, you got in a few good shots yourself," Kakashi admitted, dropping his hand and pulling up his sleeve, revealing a large red mark. "That one's going to hurt for a while."

Iruka smiled and closed his eyes, wiping the sweat from his brow with a floppy arm. "Ach, really? I didn't know the great Copy Ninja could feel pain."

Kakashi frowned. He was _almost_ sure that was a joke, and that Iruka was making fun of him, and he didn't quite know if he should be offended or not. Iruka continued on regardless, so he decided the best course of action was to ignore it. "You know, Kakashi, I'm glad we did this. It's been a long time since I've sparred with someone over the age of twelve. Well, there's Naruto, of course, but sparring with him is almost painful because he keeps repeating the same thing over and over and never runs out of energy."

Iruka chuckled to himself at the memory of his favourite student, and Kakashi was struck by the sudden realization that this would be the perfect moment to ask his burning question. Iruka was happy, worn down, and relaxed – which meant less chance of an outburst, things flying at his head, or an angry tirade. "Iruka." Kakashi swallowed heavily, and tried to keep his voice light. It wouldn't do to set Iruka on edge before he even got the question out of his mouth.

"Yeah?" Iruka's eyes sought his, and Kakashi's usually ordered mind flew into a panic. _Oh god oh god what do I do he's staring at me I can't ask him I'm not even worthy of asking this of him I annoy him he'll hate me – _"You like children, right?"

_Well, that wasn't actually that bad of a thing to say, Hatake. Good job on sounding like a semi-normal human._

Iruka frowned. "Where did that come from?" He tilted his head to one side as if that would help him understand what was going through Kakashi's mind, and something must have clicked because he let out a small gasp. "Are you worried about the fact that you have to produce offspring?" He gave what was supposed to be a reassuring smile. "It's okay, I'll stand by you whatever method you choose. You won't have to do it alone."

Kakashi let out a sigh of relief. He'd been so worried, but then Iruka had gone and brought it all up for him. "So you'll have my child, then?" he asked, seeking confirmation.

Iruka looked at him strangely. "I don't know about have, but I'll help you raise it."

"No, well, you see, the idea is that _you_ have the baby, because then it's mine and yours and no one can take it away," Kakashi explained helpfully.

Iruka blinked. Twice. "So, you're saying _I'm_ going to get pregnant, carry a child to term, give birth and then raise it with you?"

"Yes." Kakashi grinned. This was going so much better than he expected, Iruka didn't seem to have a problem with it at all!

"Right." Iruka nodded once, firmly, as if it all made sense. "You know what? We should probably go tell Tsunade-sama about this."

Kakashi nodded happily in return. He'd anticipated it to be a lot harder than this. "Yes, Tsunade-sama should know as soon as possible."

**o0o**

Tsunade stared at the two men in front of her desk. Kakashi, for Kakashi's standards, looked excited. Iruka looked pensive, and more than a little worried.

"I'm sorry for bursting in here like this, Tsunade-sama," Iruka said with a bow, "But I think," he leaned over the desk and whispered, "I think Kakashi is broken."

The expression on the little that could be seen of Kakashi's face quickly turned to confusion.

Tsunade set both elbows on her desk and laced her fingers together. "Would you care to elaborate, Iruka-sensei?"

"Well, I'm not quite sure how to put this." Iruka scratched at his nose awkwardly, the colour on his face blooming. "But, in short, he, ah, expects me to have his child."

Tsunade blinked at him. "And?" she pressed.

Iruka stared in shock. "And I'm a _man,_" he burst out. "I can't have children. It's physically impossible."

Tsunade tutted to herself. "Well, I guess I can see how that would make you think there was something wrong with his mind. I'm assuming he didn't explain properly."

Iruka blinked, incredulous. "You're not surprised at all by this?" he asked, barely able to keep his jaw from dropping. "You're not worried that he suddenly thinks I can reproduce like a female?"

"Well, no," Tsunade said calmly, "It was my idea, after all."

Iruka turned a violent shade of red. "_Someone,_" he said darkly, "Tell me what the hell is going on."

Kakashi silently backed up a couple of steps. Tsunade glared at him. "Stay right where you are, brat. You're not running away this time." She turned to Iruka and smiled brightly. "Well, Iruka-sensei, would you like to come sit down and have a chat about this? With a nice cup of tea, perhaps?"

"With all due respect, Tsunade-sama," Iruka gritted out, "This does not really seem like the time for tea."

"Ah. Sake, then? That's my preferred choice too," she remarked, and reached under her desk for a bottle.

"No. No tea, no sake, no soda, no juice, no water. Just tell me why you both seem to think I'm a woman," Iruka growled.

"On the contrary, Iruka-sensei, I am well aware that you are a man. And I daresay that Kakashi knows that too." Tsunade shot an amused smile at the jōnin, who was staring steadfastly at the floor, hands firmly cemented in his pockets. "That is precisely the problem."

Iruka frowned. "You have a problem with me being gay?"

"No, no," Tsunade waved a hand in front of her face, "That's your own business. However, if you want to continue being with Kakashi, the fact that you are male becomes a bit of an issue."

Iruka glanced at Kakashi, who refused to look at him. He sighed. "Stop beating around the bush. What, exactly, are you trying to get at?"

"In short, the surest way for you two to stay a couple is for you to physically bear a child that contains both of your DNA."

Iruka opened his mouth to protest so Tsunade held up a finger. "It is possible, as strange as that may sound. I have researched this, and I will be there every step of the way to keep you safe. Of course, that is all dependent on whether you decide you want to do this or not. The choice is yours."

"And you are completely serious about this?" Iruka asked, half wanting to believe it was all some elaborate joke.

"Absolutely," Tsunade affirmed.

Iruka glanced at Kakashi, who gave the tiniest of nods without meeting his gaze. He drew in a deep breath, releasing it slowly. "I think... I think I need a bit of time to consider this."

Tsunade nodded. "I didn't expect you to have an answer straight away. It's a lot to take in."

"Yes." Iruka gave a small smile, which disappeared as fast as it had come. "I'm going to – I need to be alone for a little while."

"Take all the time you need," Tsunade said genially.

Iruka nodded, and with one last glance at Kakashi, left the room.

**o0o**

_Holy crap. Seven months this chapter has taken. Out of curiousity, has anyone read another story where an MPREG baby is planned rather than an accident from a freak occurrence? Because it's a rather interesting situation to approach._


	6. Chapter 6

**o0o**

"It's been a long time, Oka-san, Otō-san." Iruka crouched down, trailing his fingers along the dusty skin of a large pumpkin and ignoring the curious gaze of the gardener two beds over. It would be considered strange, even in a shinobi community, to visit the dead in a community garden, but he had more important things on his mind. Besides, it seemed the most fitting place to be.

Iruka hated cemeteries. Hated the even lines of graves, seeing the stones of those who no longer have loved ones to care for them slowly creeping into disrepair. He hated most of all the stale air, the fake flowers and the oppressing sadness that came from generations of mourners traipsing the same dusty path without hope. He didn't even know the current state of his own parents' gravestones – considering how the Kyūbi attack had left them, there wasn't even that much of their actual bodies buried there – and he wasn't particularly bothered by it. Even now he had no intention of going there to speak to his parents.

Usually, he'd go to the memorial stone instead. Considering the amount of names on the stone, and the loyalty of those in the village, you'd think it'd be a popular place to mourn, but people tended to come only on anniversaries and stayed for a short period of time, making it a rather peaceful place to go and clear your head. However, recently he'd found that the memorial stone was Kakashi's place of contemplation, and he had no intention of running into the confusing jōnin while his head was in this state. No, here in the community garden was the perfect place to be. He had always preferred to think of how his parents had been when they were alive, anyway, rather than how now they were gone forever.

His mother had helped found the garden, his father had told him time and again, bouncing a young Iruka on his knee and smiling that smile that meant no one would ever mean as much to him as she did. She'd been pregnant with Iruka at the time – "As big as a whale," he'd say, puffing out his cheeks, and little Iruka would giggle, copying him – and bored with being cooped up inside every day, unable to go on missions or walk around with the ease she'd had previously.

She had always been keen on growing things, and had surprisingly green fingers – they had no space for a garden, so she spread a jungle of pots throughout the house and down to the street, coaxing tiny buds out of the dirt and into the light. When one day she caught a waif-like child stealing a tomato off an outside vine she'd realized her talents could be put to better use elsewhere, and managed to bully a couple of retired shinobi into helping her design and build a large vegetable garden to feed Konoha's hungry and poor. Iruka smiled sadly. There is no way she could have known that a mere twelve years later her own son would be one of those benefiting from her labour, a newly minted orphan of Konoha.

Iruka had a lot of fond memories of the garden, of his mother enthusiastically showing him the new buds on a cucumber plant, or pointing out a monarch butterfly. He'd been more of a hindrance than a help in his early years, throwing dirt everywhere and chewing on things that probably weren't meant for human consumption, but he loved his mother and would follow her everywhere. She kept up the garden long after starting up missions again, saying, "Iruka-kun, you do what you can for those who are less fortunate than you. You never know when you may be the one who needs help."

Iruka stared at the pumpkin in front of him. "I need your help now, Ka-san," he muttered, before remembering that he wasn't quite alone and it may be frowned upon to converse with pumpkins. _Sorry. I know I haven't spoken to you in a while, but things have been busy lately. _In truth, he figured his parents would be happy enough if he took a long term break from 'talking' to them. They'd probably be delighted that he was now focusing on the future instead of the past.

_Well, not so much busy as confusing._ He let a small smile breach his lips – yes, confusing probably was the best word for Kakashi. _I have a new partner._ He paused for a while, letting that sink in for himself as well as his non-responsive parents. _He's a little strange, but I like him a lot. Sometimes I hate him, but sometimes he makes me smile for no reason._

_He wants me to have his child. _Iruka took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. _He wants me to have his child. As, I guess, a mother of sorts. To get pregnant, give birth and raise a child. _He shook his head. _I don't even know where to begin picking this apart. It's as weird to me as it is to you._

_There's a rational irrationality to Kakashi's logic, if you look for it, but I can't see his sense behind this. I suppose it's because it was Tsunade-sama's idea. _Iruka sighed. _I have two of the most powerful people in the village asking me to do this. Do I really even have a choice?_

_You always have a choice, Iruka. _It's his mother's voice, smooth like honey and warming him down to his toes. It'd been a while since he'd heard it this clearly.

_But what is the right choice? _Iruka stared past the pumpkin, not seeing it. _One of my favourite things in life is a child's triumphant smile as he finally conquers something new – it really is no secret that I love children. And ever since the moment I realized that my sexuality meant I could never have one of my own there's been a small void in my heart, one that no amount of academy students can fill. Kakashi is offering me the answer to an impossible dream._

"But," he muttered aloud, frowning. _But am I strong enough to deal with, for all intents and purposes, becoming a woman for nine months or more? Do I have the strength to raise a child that will be looked upon with calculating eyes before it's even born, expected to become a prodigy? Can I handle the pain of my child learning to fight, to kill, to die?_

_Yes, because I would have to, _he answered himself truthfully. _The real question is, do I want to put myself through that? And how much do I trust Kakashi as a father?_

Iruka sighed heavily, knowing that deep down he already had the answer and no amount of arguing with himself would change it.

**o0o**

He found Kakashi at the memorial stone, where he'd predicted he would be. A light touch on the arm made the jōnin flinch, so Iruka withdrew his hand.

"If two people find it hard to even touch each other then there is no way they can raise a child together," he said softly.

Kakashi didn't look at him. "It's not touching you I have a problem with, it's stopping once I've started."

Iruka frowned. It should be a joke, because that was the sort of thing Kakashi usually said to defuse serious situations, but it didn't sound like one. He decided to put it aside for now, and see what he could get by way of explanation. "Kakashi, do you even want a child?"

Kakashi shrugged, still staring at the stone. "Does it matter if I do or don't? I don't have a choice in the matter. The only variable is whether the other half of its DNA comes from you or someone else."

"It's not about whether you have a choice or not. I'm asking whether, if your child was placed in front of you, you'd want to have an active role in his life."

Kakashi turned to face him for the first time, grey eye solemn and heavy. "Iruka, I would not wish my presence onto any child. I struggled enough with Team Seven, and I dread to think what would happen if I had input into a child's life from the moment – no, even before – it is born."

"Kakashi –"

Kakashi held up a hand for silence. "The only thing I can do for this kid is to keep it away from ROOT and the Elite. I will do anything to prevent it from having a childhood like mine."

"Which means you care," Iruka interpreted.

"I never said I didn't care," Kakashi replied stonily.

"This isn't," Iruka sighed, frustrated, "That's not what I was trying to get at. I want to know how you would feel, seeing your child for the first time, watching him grow. Would that make you happy?"

Kakashi shook his head. "You can't ask a question like that, because I don't have an answer for you. I simply don't know."

"And that's what scares you the most, right?"

Kakashi scowled in reply. "It's not about me. You're the one who has to make the decision."

"If I," Iruka started hesitantly, "If I do this for you, would you stick around for the kid? Be a real father?"

"I already told you I don't think that's a good idea," Kakashi said, frowning. "You'd be a lot better at it."

"Would you try?" Iruka pushed. "If not for the child itself, then… for me?"

Kakashi blinked, surprised. "This isn't quite hypothetical, then, is it? You're seriously – you're seriously considering doing this?"

Iruka shrugged. "Well, isn't that what you wanted?"

Kakashi scratched at the back of his head. "I didn't exactly expect you to say yes. It's a crazy idea, even to me."

Iruka stayed silent for a long time, picking his words carefully. "You're right. It is crazy. I can't even admit to myself just how much the idea of having a life grow inside me frightens me. Of how much responsibility that entails. It scares me a lot. But I can't deny that I've always wanted to have a child of my own, and if by doing this I can stay with you…"

"You're agreeing to it then?"

"No." Iruka held up a hand quickly, before Kakashi could jump ahead of himself again. "I have conditions. And I would be a fool to go ahead with this without finding out all of the medical details first."

"So we should go back and talk to Tsunade-sama about it again?" Kakashi suggested hopefully.

Iruka shook his head. "Not yet. I just – well, there's one thing, aside from the physical implications of it, that's making me question whether this is a good idea."

Kakashi waited expectantly for further explanation that wasn't forthcoming. "And that is?" he prodded eventually.

Iruka scratched his nose uncomfortably. "I don't really know how to say this gently, but I feel that it's somehow wrong to attempt to have a baby with someone who doesn't trust me enough to show me their face."

Kakashi remained silent.

Iruka's face flushed red. "It's not that I want to force you to take off the mask, or anything like that. It's just that a baby is such a big responsibility, and, well, I don't really know how to explain it."

Kakashi retained his silence, and eventually Iruka just had to keep talking. "Dammit, Kakashi, it's not like this is easy for me! You're asking me to have a child with you, which is _the_ most binding contract of any relationship. And even beyond that, you're asking me to give up my masculinity, to essentially _become a woman_ for a long period of time. And all I'm asking in return is that you take that stupid cloth off your face for one second."

Kakashi stared at him for what seemed like a very long time. Iruka glared back, getting angrier by the second and vowing to himself that he would not say another word unless the jōnin spoke first.

Very slowly, Kakashi lifted a hand to his face and hooked two fingers under the material of his mask. Iruka's heart rate quickened. _He wouldn't, would he? Not here. _Kakashi's hand dropped, and he shrugged. "I did think it would be too big of an ask. I'm not disappointed, Sensei." He bowed stiffly and shallowly before disappearing, leaving Iruka blinking in his wake.

Iruka glared at the memorial stone, because it was the only thing left he could take his anger out on. "I wish you could tell me what's going on in his stupid head," he grumbled. "He probably tells you more than he tells me."

The stone, of course, remained silent. Iruka glared a little more, and then wondered what on earth he should do now. "I suppose I should just go home," he told the stone, "Because I doubt that's where Kakashi went."

**o0o**

_Obviously, my instincts are no longer up to scratch,_ Iruka thought bitterly. Kakashi _had_ chosen to return home, of all the places he could have picked. The thrumming of water in the pipes testified that, because the only other person who would walk into Iruka's house as if it were his own – one indestructible blond brat – had to be bribed into taking showers. He did wonder why the jōnin had taken it upon himself to bathe now, in the middle of the day, and then decided he damn well didn't care and stupid jōnin could do whatever their stupid selves wanted to.

"Stupid jōnin," he muttered aloud, kicking the table spitefully and then immediately regretting it as his toes curled up in pain. "What's so good about his stupid face anyway, that he has to keep it a secret? It's not as if I even care what he looks like. I bet he's ugly as sin."

"Who's ugly as sin, Sensei?"

"Eh?" Iruka spun around to face the voice, almost losing his balance in his haste. "Pakkun?"

Kakashi's favourite ninken was sitting on his living room floor, gazing at him with imploring eyes and dripping water all over his carpet. His mind racing to find a safe way to answer that question – it probably wouldn't be a good idea to tell the pug that he currently thought that his master was a sneaky, distrustful bastard, even if he was – he finally came out with, "Why on earth are you all wet?" _And what did my carpet do to deserve this, _he added silently.

"Ah, about that," Pakkun started evasively, but was cut off by a series of excited yips. Iruka could only watch in horror as the rest of Kakashi's pack came bounding around the corner -

"Iruka-sensei, Iruka-sensei!"

- and barreled into him in one giant, furry pile. Make that one giant, furry, _wet_ pile.

"I don't –" Iruka struggled to pull his face out of the many different fur coats on top of him, gasping for breath, "Please tell me what's going on," he said, defeated, as an apologetic Bull backed off and licked his face. It felt like sandpaper, and he wasn't sure if he'd actually have a face left if the big dog continued, but he appreciated the sentiment and patted him gently.

"Kakashi seemed troubled, so we came to visit," Bisuke said, wiggling his head under Iruka's other hand hopefully. Iruka gave in and scratched him behind the ears.

"We don't usually get a 'confused' feeling from him," Akino offered seriously. "It was worrying."

"Well, not since he was a pup," Urushi corrected, scratching behind his ear with his back foot. "He used to feel like this all the time after Sakumo-sama died."

The rest of the dogs nodded in solemn agreement.

Iruka blinked, nonplussed. "So Kakashi's sulking because things aren't going his way," he translated. "That doesn't explain why you guys are all wet."

"Well, obviously he kicked us out of the shower," Shiba said, in a tone of voice that suggested he'd be rolling his eyes if he could.

"The shower?"

"Well, yeah," Shiba continued, "We were worried so we came directly to his immediate location."

"Which he wasn't very happy about," Bisuke added.

"He got soap in my eyes," Guruko whined.

"He never appreciates our loyalty," Ūhei huffed.

Iruka shook his head, deciding that he'd never get a better explanation of _why_ that was apparently a good idea. "How on earth did all of you fit in my shower?"

There was a pregnant pause.

"We didn't," Pakkun said eventually.

Iruka frowned suspiciously. "You didn't?"

"Nope. We may have pulled down the shower curtain and perhaps the bar at the top as well," Bisuke explained cheerfully. "You really should get a bigger bathroom, Sensei. It was a really tight squeeze in there."

Iruka tugged on his ponytail agitatedly, doing his very best not to explode. "It's probably a good thing I never got to keep a dog when I was younger," he muttered darkly. "It's like looking after eight damn Naruto's."

"You're right, it's not that much fun to look after normal dogs," Urushi said helpfully. "They're kind of stupid. But we're ninken, so that puts us on a whole 'nother level."

_A whole 'nother level is about right,_ Iruka thought bleakly. _A whole 'nother level of trouble._

"Yup. Intelligence runs through these veins," Bisuke said proudly, thumping his tail on the floor.

"Then you should be intelligent enough to realize Iruka-sensei is not going to be happy with his house smelling like wet dog, right?" Kakashi said dryly, sauntering into the room.

Iruka's breath caught in his throat. He hadn't even noticed the water shutting off – though to be fair, he'd had eight furry distractions in his face – and had almost forgotten his earlier quarrel with the man. As it stood now, he was quite content to blank out any anger he'd been feeling previously in favour of staring.

Kakashi was wearing a pair of loose drawstring pants slung low on his hips, and nothing else. He was rubbing a towel vigorously through his hair, obscuring his face, but Iruka could care less about that. His eyes were instead drawn to the way that tiny streams of water slid down that gorgeously carved pale chest –

"We just wanted to make you happy again, you know," Bisuke said pitifully, employing his best soulful puppy-eyed look and startling Iruka out of his reverie.

_Damn. _He'd been drooling. Good thing Kakashi still had that towel over his head.

Kakashi waved a hand in a shooing movement. "Maa, you'll make me super happy if you all get lost."

Pakkun bristled. "Kakashi, you can't treat your pack like this. They only want to help you."

Iruka placed a calming hand on the pug's head, sensing an impending disaster and wanting to avert it. "Pakkun, Kakashi-san has a lot on his mind right now. He appreciates that you care, but what's best for him at the moment is probably a little bit of space, okay? If you go right now and come back tomorrow, at a better time, then I'll make you all a feast, deal?"

Bisuke put his front paws on Iruka's knee and gazed at him with round eyes. "Steak?"

At the word 'steak' all eyes swiveled round to fix on Iruka hungrily. "Yeah, steak, why not," he said hurriedly. "Steak, chops, bones – whatever. But that's for tomorrow, not right now."

Pakkun eyed him contemplatively for a moment, and then nodded his head decisively. "Alright boys, it's time to graciously take our leave."

The ninken turned their attention back to their leader, much to Iruka's relief, and at his signal, disappeared in a cloud of wispy smoke.

"They're going to walk all over you now," Kakashi said dryly.

Iruka shrugged, doing his best to keep his gaze on the opposite wall rather than Kakashi's flawless chest. "That steak is coming out of your paycheck, you know. It's your fault they flooded my living room."

"Maa, me? You're the one who did something as stupid as promise them food."

"So this is my fault? They're your ninken, Kakashi. I had to do something before they decided to turn against you. They were only trying to –" He spun around to face the jōnin directly, and stopped breathing. Kakashi had the towel slung around his neck, one eyebrow raised, and was staring at him defiantly. Aside from that, his face was bare. _I can see his face. _"W-why?" Iruka stuttered out.

He watched, entranced, as a dainty shade of pink bloomed across the never-before-seen cheeks, and Kakashi turned his head away. "Why what?" the jōnin said childishly.

Iruka grinned. It was just so _nice_ to see someone else blushing for a change, and it looked adorable on Kakashi, whose porcelain white skin made him look like a china doll. Of course, he'd never tell the prideful jōnin that. "Why are you showing me your face now?" Iruka elaborated, though both knew it was unnecessary.

Kakashi folded his arms tightly across his chest. "You were right," he conceded gruffly. "I am asking too much of you. This is – this is the only thing I can do in return."

Iruka smiled gently. Kakashi was clearly uncomfortable – he was standing so stiffly Iruka thought if anything happened to touch him he'd snap in half – but he was still standing there, and not running away. "Thank you," he said simply. "It means a lot that you trust me enough to do this."

Kakashi shrugged awkwardly, refusing to look at him.

Iruka resisted the urge to call him 'cute' and crept forward until they were almost touching. Just because Kakashi was showing him his face now didn't mean that it would become a usual thing (_It's more likely not, _he thought, _which is a shame_) and he was going to damn well get his fill of it while he had the chance.

Kakashi twitched slightly at the proximity, but otherwise remained impassive. His face was pointy, Iruka decided, all sharp angles and hard lines. He wasn't conventionally handsome by any means, but there was something about him at this moment, a kind of anxious, uncertain air that endeared him to Iruka. Despite how powerful he was, and how much influence he had on people, he was still nervous about the simple act of baring his face.

Surprisingly, he had quite full lips, a petite, pale mouth that somehow managed to give his face an almost childlike innocence. Although rather at odds with his usual cool, composed persona, it was, Iruka decided, delightfully adorable. And it made Iruka want to kiss him.

So he did.

Kakashi paused, and then leaned into the kiss, letting Iruka keep the lead. Iruka tangled his hands in the jōnin's hair to bring him closer, and swept his tongue along the inside of his mouth.

When they pulled apart Kakashi looked a little stunned. "Maa, Iruka," he started hesitantly.

Iruka blinked large eyes up at him and then smiled seductively, leaning in to whisper in his ear, "You're paying for the steak."

**o0o**

"You're back," Tsunade said mildly.

"Yes. I'd like details," Iruka replied.

"You didn't bring the brat with you."

"Brat? Oh, Kakashi?" Iruka shrugged. "I think I, er, surprised him a little. He's a bit dazed right now, and I don't really want him hanging over my shoulder while we talk about this anyway. His hopeful face is more pressure than I need."

"Fair enough." Tsunade yawned, and stretched her arms above her head. "What kind of information were you after?"

"Well." Iruka shifted uncomfortably. "I guess I was wondering –"

"Actually, sit down," Tsunade interrupted. "This might take a while."

Iruka sat down gingerly in the chair she had indicated, and started again, hands folded in his lap. "I was wondering how, exactly, this will work. _If_ this is going to happen, of course," he was quick to add. "Are you going to change me into a female, or something?"

"Not exactly." Tsunade rested her head on one hand and tapped the nails of the other on her desk, trying to figure out the best way to explain her plan. "You only really have to be 'female' for the conception. We've devised a jutsu that is something of a cross between a henge and Naruto's sexy no jutsu which is simple enough so that you will be able to hold it steady even during orgasm."

Iruka's cheeks flamed red. Tsunade pretended not to notice and carried on regardless. "After you've perfected the henge I'll give you a small injection that will cement the womb – and all your other female internals – in place for as long as there is a fertilized egg inside you. You simply have to hold the henge for twenty-four hours after copulation to make sure that the egg does, in fact, get fertilized. And, of course, you'll need to come in for check ups every week."

Iruka rubbed the bridge of his nose uncomfortably, feeling a little bit faint. "So I – I have to have sex with Kakashi as a woman? You can't do it by artificial insemination, or something?"

Tsunade stared at him. "You don't want him to do you? If you don't want that, then what do you want from him? Because I daresay he'd be severely lacking in every other department of a relationship."

"It's not that I don't want – it's just, as a woman – I'm not sure I could handle being that vulnerable in front of him." Iruka bit his lip. _Well, you put that super eloquently, Umino._

Tsunade narrowed her eyes and leaned over the desk, giving Iruka unintentional boob view. "Are you saying that you think women are _weak? _Is that why you're gay? Girls just aren't good enough for you, huh?"

"I didn't mean it like that." Iruka tugged at the end of his ponytail. "It's just that being in a body I'm unfamiliar with in that sort of situation… it puts me at a disadvantage. He's already doing his best to treat me like an Icha Icha heroine, and I don't want him to view me as a woman. I wouldn't mind doing it once, I guess, but how can you guarantee that the first time would work?"

"Ah." Tsunade calmed down somewhat, sitting back in her chair, and pulled a bottle out from under her desk. "Sake?"

Iruka shook his head. "No, thank you."

The Hokage shrugged, and swigged directly from the bottle. "Suit yourself. I woulda thought you'd want to drink as much as you can before you're not allowed to any more."

Iruka blinked, confused, before realising she was referring to the pregnancy. "Well, I generally don't drink much, anyway."

"That's your loss, then, isn't it?" Tsunade said. "But alcohol aside, I'm fairly certain that I can get you pregnant first time."

Iruka raised an eyebrow. "Fairly certain?"

"Well, it's more like a ninety eight percent chance," Tsunade corrected. "So more than 'fairly certain'. I've devised a set of pills for both you and the brat to take which should heighten your chances of impregnation significantly. You'll need to take them daily for a week before you 'do the deed'."

"So this is really going to happen, huh?" Iruka clasped his hands together, afraid they'd start shaking. He didn't feel prepared for this at all.

Tsunade smiled at him sympathetically. "I can understand that it's a hard idea to wrap your mind around. But in the end, it's all up to you. I'm not going to force you to go through with it."

"I know." Iruka took a deep breath and let it out slowly, thinking about Kakashi's hopefulness and seeing his child for the first time. "I want to do this."


	7. Chapter 7

_Here's a little bit of KoIzu, for those of you who've been waiting for it :)_

**o0o**

The pills were making him strangely horny, though he was doing his best to hide it. Kakashi didn't seem to be affected at all, and simply spent most of his time contemplatively gazing out the window – that is, when he hadn't disappeared to god-knows-where. In fact, he was so uncomfortable that Iruka was starting to wonder why he had ever agreed to this crazy plan in the first place.

"I don't like this." Iruka glared at himself in the mirror and prodded one of the new lumps on his chest. "I feel unstable."

"You'll get used to it," Tsunade said cheerfully, tugging his hand back down to his side. "Stop poking those. And besides, you don't have to like it. Kakashi does."

Iruka stared at her in alarm. He hadn't even thought of that. Somehow, he had to make himself attractive enough to Kakashi so that the jōnin could – he shuddered to think how embarrassing it would be if the man couldn't get it up. "What does Kakashi look for in a woman?" he asked as casually as he could.

His gaze flickered back to the mirror, studying his female form. He hadn't put much thought into it, concentrating more on getting the jutsu perfect, but maybe he should have. He tugged his shirt down to cover his stomach for what felt like the thousandth time. Having breasts made it ride up, which was something he hadn't considered before. Realising this only served to make him worry about what else he hadn't considered.

"Relax, he's a guy. He can get it up for anyone," Tsunade said offhandedly, but backtracked at Iruka's panicked look. "I'm kidding, don't take it to heart. If he'll have sex with you as a man, then chances are he'll happily do you as a woman. Besides, you're quite pretty."

"But guys like bigger breasts, right?" Iruka stared at Tsunade's well-endowed chest before catching himself and looking away, cheeks flaming.

"Wouldn't you know that better than me?" Tsunade asked, raising an eyebrow.

Iruka shrugged helplessly. "I've never looked at a woman in that way."

Tsunade shook her head. "It won't matter, honestly. I don't think Kakashi would go for that sort of thing anyway. Just be the person you're comfortable as."

Iruka tugged at his hair agitatedly, frustrated with it being loose and longer than he was used to. "I'm not comfortable with any of this!"

Tsunade sighed. "Well, you're just going to have to deal with it." She stood behind him and cupped a hand under his chin. "Right now you have a body most women would die for. Plus, you have a very pretty face, and you still look a lot like yourself. You would have been a bit of a heartbreaker, had you been born a woman."

Iruka sighed, brushing his hair back from his face. "I just want to get this over with."

"You really are pretty," Tsunade insisted, and Iruka rolled his eyes. "I don't want you to change yourself too much anyway. The meds might mess with your head a bit, and pregnancy will definitely mess with you, so please just forget what I said. You just need to remember that you're a man, and what you look like as a woman will only matter for a short period of time.

"Hey, come here." She turned and gestured to someone behind her, who'd just come in the door.

"Uh, I've just got some reports for you and then I'll be gone."

_Shit._ Iruka knew that voice, and he didn't want to do this, not now. Kotetsu would not care whether he was a woman or a man; after Kakashi's outburst in the mission room the other day he'd probably be on the hunt for answers. And there was no way that Iruka wanted to talk about Izumo's sexuality in front of Tsunade.

"Just come here." Tsunade tapped her foot impatiently as Kotetsu shuffled forward, and flung an arm in Iruka's direction. "What do you think? She's pretty, right?"

Kotetsu blinked, backed up a bit, and gave Iruka a onceover. "Are you asking for my… expert opinion?"

Tsunade sighed. "Just a simple yes or no will suffice."

"In a word, then, yes." Kotestu looked Iruka up and down a couple more times before nodding. "Nice round breasts, firm buttocks, silky hair –"

"That's _enough,_ Kotetsu," Iruka snapped, his face burning.

Kotetsu looked startled. "Such a beauty knows my name? And so forward, too. Hey, you wouldn't perhaps want to go out to dinner with me tonight, would you, beautiful?"

"That is enough." Tsunade whisked the papers out of his hands and pushed him physically towards the door before Iruka seriously thought about maiming him. "Thank you for you help. It is no longer needed."

"But wait, I just want her number –"

Tsunade shut the door firmly in his face before turning back to Iruka. "That went well, right?"

**o0o**

Arriving home he let the door slam shut behind him with a satisfactory _crack,_ tossed his bag on the ground and stomped his way to the kitchen. He grabbed an apple and bit into it viciously, returning to the doorway, before realizing he was being watched.

"Fun session?"

Iruka scowled and threw the apple at the expressionless jōnin sitting on the windowsill. Maddeningly, Kakashi just caught it one handed and tossed it back. "That bad, huh?"

Iruka sighed heavily. "Yes, that bad. I don't know why I ever agreed to do this."

Kakashi dropped his gaze to the floor. "You don't have to do it if you really don't want to."

"Ah, no," Iruka said hurriedly, "I'm still going to, I was just letting off steam." He gave a nervous smile. "Tsunade-sama is a little hard to deal with when she's so close to your face all the time." He scowled. "And Kotetsu tried to pick me up."

"I guess things aren't going too well for your little friend then," Kakashi commented, before realizing that he should have just kept his big mouth shut. Iruka did not need to be reminded of the fact that he had unwittingly thrown his best friend and previous lover out of the closet.

Iruka heaved another sigh and sunk down into the couch, flinging the apple behind him into the trash. "I don't know. I feel like I haven't seen 'Zumo in ages. And frankly I don't think I'd have the energy to deal with him as it is. His insecurity takes a lot of work."

Kakashi gulped guiltily. He may be willing to pump Izumo for answers regarding Iruka, but he had never intended to break up their friendship. It would take quite a bit of work to swing things back to normal, though these days he wasn't entirely sure he knew what 'normal' was anymore.

"Anyway, I'm glad I'm not a woman," Iruka continued heedlessly, "It must be extremely tiring carrying around those things all day. Honestly, I don't even know how Tsunade-sama can stand up half the time."

It took a few moments before Kakashi realized he was talking about _breasts,_ though he had no idea why_. _"They feel pretty good, though. Squishy but kind of firm at the same time."

Iruka stared at him, and then down at himself. Too late, Kakashi realized he should have thought a little more before opening his mouth. "It's, er, nice to have a flat chest too?"

Iruka stared at him for what felt like a very long time, before saying, "Yes," in a worryingly flat tone and leaving the room.

Kakashi returned his attention back to the window and wondered why he even bothered trying.

**o0o**

Kotetsu hummed as he walked, swinging his arms. He'd managed to get off work early, and though the reason was probably that Tsunade-sama was just sick of his face it was still time off, and he wasn't complaining. Besides, he knew exactly what he was going to do with his time. He was going Izumo Hunting.

Izumo hadn't said more than a couple of sentences to him at a time in the last two weeks, and disappeared every time Kotetsu tried to start a proper conversation with him. He'd even taken a few days off work, claiming illness, which was stranger than anything else. Izumo was a lot like Iruka in that he only missed work if someone physically restrained him to stop him from leaving the house. He had a System, and he didn't like anyone else messing with it.

Kotetsu kicked at a stone and grinned when it splashed into a pond, startling a nearby frog off its lily pad. Izumo's behaviour was worrying him, of course – he'd never seen other chūnin act like this, and they'd known each other practically forever – but at the same time it was like he'd been issued a challenge, and Kotetsu loved challenges. As an added bonus, this challenge centered around the one thing that Kotetsu knew the best: the habits of one Kamizuki Izumo.

He waved cheerfully at the gatekeepers as he left the village, veering off the main path outside of the gates and heading left. After ten minutes of jumping from tree to tree he stopped and dropped to the ground, weaving his way through a patch of tall grass until he reached the half-hidden mouth of a small cave.

Sweeping aside the tangle of vines over the entrance, Kotetsu ducked inside, pausing for a moment to let his eyes adjust in the dim light. Though the entrance was covered the roof was spotted with holes, allowing thin streams of sunlight to mottle the floor. It had been terrible when it rained, he reflected, but they'd made up for that by using a hollow in the ground outside as a makeshift swimming pool and having mud fights.

He hadn't come here in nearly ten years, but it didn't look like anything had changed - aside from the fact that the space felt a lot smaller than it had as a child. He and Izumo had found the place on accident as eight-year-olds, running from their parents. His father had beaten him when he'd returned home, telling him never to leave the safety of the village again, but the cave had too strong an allure of danger and grown-up-ness for him to ignore. They'd ignored the warnings and devised a way to sneak out and meet up in the cave as much as possible. It was their kingdom and he'd felt a sort of superiority knowing that they had this secret that no one else had.

He'd brought his first girlfriend here, actually. He was fifteen, and wanted to impress her so she'd go further with him. She'd thought that the hidden entrance was cool, 'like a real shinobi hideout!' but that the inside was musty and smelled bad. He hadn't noticed the smell, perhaps because he'd become used to it, and he managed to convince her that it was actually romantic, being all alone in the middle of the forest in a secret den. He must have been quite persuasive because she'd let him stick his tongue in her mouth and even get a handful of her barely-there boobs.

Kotetsu frowned. _And that was the beginning of the end. _That was the point at which Izumo had walked in, stared at him, and walked out again. The girl noticed and ran off, calling him a pervert, but Kotetsu had found himself going after Izumo instead.

"_Did you see? I got to second base," _he'd said.

"_What I saw was you bringing someone else into _our_ secret base."_

Izumo had refused to talk to him for a couple of days after that, but then appeared to get back to normal. They'd gone back to the cave only a couple of times after that, because when they did it just didn't feel quite right.

Kotetsu slumped down against the wall, dragging his fingers through the dust on the ground. He'd assumed Izumo would be here, though now that he thought about it he wasn't sure why. He hadn't come here since that time as a gangly teen, and he was pretty sure Izumo hadn't either. It was just a feeling he'd had that Izumo would show up.

His trailing fingers hit a weird shaped lump on the ground, so he picked it up, brushing off the dirt. "Shinobi-Man!" he said in surprise, flinching as his voice boomed in the close space. He remembered this – an action figure Izumo had tried to give him for his tenth birthday, which he'd rejected, saying, _"Dolls are for babies." _Izumo's eyes had flashed at him in defiance and he'd sat in the corner playing with it himself until Kotetsu had gotten jealous and demanded that he should be allowed to play too, because it was _his _toy.

Izumo said no, because Kotetsu was "too grown up, you won't like a baby toy like this," and they'd ended up fighting over it and breaking off one of its legs.

Kotetsu grinned, remembering how they'd glued a stick to his left side and called it a pegleg, making him a shinobi pirate.

A rustling sound to his left made him look up, meeting a stunned Izumo's eyes. Izumo tried to back out but he was quicker, yanking the other man's arm so he fell forward, tumbling them both onto the ground.

"You're not getting away this time," Kotetsu huffed, finding it hard to breathe with Izumo's knee firmly planted in his stomach.

Izumo gasped and scooted away, taking great pains to make sure that neither of their bodies were touching. "Why are you here?" he asked quietly.

Kotetsu shrugged. "I was looking for you. Am I not allowed to be here?"

"No, you are." Izumo stared at the figure in his hands, smiling faintly. "I just didn't expect you to be here."

"Yeah." Kotetsu stretched and moved back to the opposite wall, placing Shinobi-Man down beside him. "It's been a long time since I've come here. Lots of memories in this place."

Izumo looked uncomfortable. "Yes."

Kotetsu chuckled, continuing his train of thought. "I had my first kiss here, you know. I always wondered if I would have been able to get her to go all the way if you hadn't showed up. Probably a good thing you did, I guess, seeing as I didn't have any condoms. My dad would have been really mad about that, eh?"

Izumo gave a forced smile and said nothing.

"Oh, and speaking of girls, I was thinking of setting up a goukon, you know? Seeing as we're both single and you've been all mopey lately and won't tell me anything." Kotetsu clapped his hands together happily. "That's right! I saw a really pretty girl this morning. I wonder if she'd come."

Izumo narrowed his eyes. "Are you seriously asking me to a goukon?"

Kotetsu blinked, surprised. "Well, yeah. You're my best friend and I want you to have a little bit of happiness too. Unless you want to just tell me what's going on in your stupid head, and then we can go out and drink it off together?"

"Did you not listen to Kakashi-san at all?" Izumo asked in disbelief.

"Er, when?" Kotetsu scratched his head and thought back. _That's right, Izumo started acting weird that time when Kakashi-san came storming into the mission room and demanded to speak to him. What did he say then? _"Kakashi said – Kakashi said –" Kotetsu started, desperately trying to remember, "That you slept with Iruka."

He grinned smugly, proud that he'd managed to remember something important to Izumo. And then he thought about what he'd said. "Wait, what?" Izumo's pale and drawn face gave him an answer he wasn't yet ready to accept. "You slept with Iruka_?_ As in doing the nasty? The horizontal dance? Playing a tune with the bedsprings?"

"Yes, 'Tetsu, we _fucked,_" Izumo spat, his eyes doing that defiance thing where they flashed fire at him.

"Oh." Kotetsu sat silent, mulling it over in his head. He'd known Iruka was gay since they were teens, since the time he'd been late for a mission and they'd gone to look for him only to find him passed out naked on the floor with – well, that wasn't something he wanted to remember. But Izumo wasn't gay. He couldn't be. Kotetsu had seen him with girls lots of times. Hadn't he? "Were you drunk?"

Izumo sighed heavily. "No, Kotetsu, I wasn't."

There was an unusual feeling stirring in the pit of his stomach, and Kotetsu was surprised to recognise it as petty jealousy. "Well why did you go to him if you wanted to try sleeping with a man?" he grumbled. "_I'm_ supposed to be your best friend."

Izumo's eyes went wide. "Are you saying that I should have slept with you instead?"

"Yes. No. I don't know." Kotetsu dragged his fingers through his hair and tugged on the ends, frustrated and confused. "Why would you want to sleep with a man anyway? Girls are so much softer and they smell nice."

"Yeah." Izumo dropped his gaze to the ground, smiling sadly. "I didn't ask you because I know you think that. I wasn't prepared for you to reject me."

Kotetsu brought his knees up to his chin and folded his arms around them, thinking hard. "Why did you decide you wanted to try sleeping with a dude?"

"Because the one I fell in love with is a man," Izumo said softly.

"Eh?" Kotetsu glanced over at him; Izumo's cheeks had gone a dusty pink. "You love someone? Why would you hide that from me? I'm kinda mad, that both you and Iruka would keep secrets like that. You should know that I'd still like you whatever your sexuality."

"Well, it doesn't really matter." Izumo traced nervous circles in the dirt with his finger. "The one I love will never love me the way I love him."

"So you're not going to confess? How long have you liked this bastard anyway?"

"For as long as I can remember." Izumo smiled. "But really, I'm content with just seeing him happy."

"Because you feel like you have to be?" Kotetsu snorted. He didn't know why, but this conversation was making him feel increasingly mad. He didn't know who this person Izumo loved so much was, but he did know that he hated him for letting his 'Zumo feel sad for so long. "'Zumo, you're a good guy. I'm sure it's just in your head that you don't have a chance. But even if he says no, then you get a little bit of closure, right? And then you can find a better guy. I'll even come with you, if you like, when you ask him."

Izumo laughed, but there was something about the sound that Kotetsu didn't like. It sounded sad, forced almost. "'Tetsu, you're so dense sometimes. I never said anything to him because I didn't want to lose his friendship. Do you really think it's worth telling him how I feel?"

"Of course it is!" Kotetsu grinned. "If he stops being your friend just because you said you liked him then he's not worthy of being your friend in the first place. Besides, you'll still have me, right?"

Izumo gave a pained smile and stood up, brushing the dirt off his pants. "Please don't forget that you just said that," he said quietly.

"Huh? Why would I forget? I'll take your side against the bastard, any day," Kotetsu boasted.

"Yeah, well," Izumo took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "The one I like is you, Tet-chan."

_Tet-chan? _By the time he got over the fact that Izumo had used a nickname he hadn't heard in over ten years and realized that _holy hell, my best friend just confessed his undying love for me_, Izumo was long gone. Kotetsu stared at the wall, dumbstruck.

_Izumo likes me. Izumo. Likes. Me. In a kissy-kissy way. _

He felt like he had to rewind his life and revisit every scene that held Izumo in it to analyse his reactions, to see whether there were hints there that he'd just overlooked because he'd been blind to anything but big-breasted women. How had Izumo felt every time he'd bragged about some chick he'd bagged? And thinking about that, _does this mean that Izumo wants to have sex with me?_

**o0o**

_Two more days._

Iruka was staring at himself in a mirror again, naked, and he hated that he felt like he needed to. It wasn't that he felt like Kakashi would outright reject him as a female –the jōnin was much too nice to do that, although he did have a tendency to tease – he was just nervous. Kakashi was already so much stronger than him physically, and in this body he felt like just being touched would break him.

He lifted a breast and then let go, experimentally, watching it wobble. He'd felt a small stab of fear when Kakashi had unwittingly let that comment slip, wondering if the jōnin really did prefer women, but he had to admit that breasts actually were a lot of fun to play with. He put the irrational fear down to the hormone tablets messing with his head, and with a shock realized that being pregnant would probably make his emotions spiral even more out of control. Smooshing his breasts together, he pulled a face at his female self in the mirror. _Well, Kakashi's the one who's going to have to deal with the emotional me. Serves him right._

Shaking his head at his own childishness, Iruka dropped the henge and stepped back into his clothes. God forbid Kakashi walk in on him feeling himself up in the mirror. He had no idea what sort of a reaction that would elicit, but he'd be willing to bet that he'd be teased for the rest of his life.

_I have to have sex with Kakashi in two more days._

It was such a weird thing, even aside from the whole changing gender part of it, planning to have sex. In Iruka's experience, sex was something that generally happened spontaneously, when the mood caught him – or, if he looked back further, when the mood caught Mizuki, whether he wanted it or not. Knowing as he did now that, for a fact, he would be sleeping with Kakashi in two days was both exhilarating and frightening. In all honesty with the way the pills were making him feel he'd be quite happy to sleep with Kakashi tonight, but he wasn't sure what effect that would have on the overall 'baby plan'. Plus, Kakashi seemed to be keeping to himself a lot, and Iruka wasn't sure if he was even interested.

_Stop being so insecure,_ he tutted to himself. _It's just the pills. You can do this, and you will do this. And in the end, you will gain a beautiful baby._

**o0o**

_A/N: i. When Kotetsu says that Iruka is 'forward' he means because Iruka addresses him with his first name and no suffix, something you'd only really do with a close friend._

_ii. A goukon is a group blind date where a bunch of single guys and gals meet up and have drinks and such._

_iii. I also think boobs are a lot of fun to play with, haha (in a totally non-sexual way. I am such a child). They're very entertaining._

_iv. My boyfriend of five years recently broke up with me. I don't know if this is affecting the way I write, but yeah. Since the next chapter will definitely contain smut, it may be a while coming._


End file.
